


Getting bi (with a little help from my friend)

by pseudosmodingium



Series: Getting bi 'verse [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: (Internalized) Homophobia, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Dean's fangirling over Gunnar Lawless, F/F, Family Drama, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Pansexual Castiel (Supernatural), Rimming, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-08-22 02:46:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16589351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pseudosmodingium/pseuds/pseudosmodingium
Summary: Cas is reluctant to the entrust his beloved car to a stranger but his first meeting with the owner of Winchester Vintage Automobiles convinces him to let go and Dean Winchester’s expertise is only one of the merits of signing up for his Lincoln’s restoration.Dean, on the other hand, already has enough going on with a family conflict and finding out that his new favorite client isn’t as straight as he'd assumed causes even more turmoil. Eventually, Dean has to face some truths about himself and Cas is happy to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!  
> As I'm posting the first chapter, this fic is almost done. There's only half a chapter left to write for me and by the time it's finished, it'll be an estimated 32k words long. Anyway, I can't sit on this any longer and wait until it's complete.  
> I'm going to post once or twice a week, depending on the length of the preceding chapter and the time I have to do it.
> 
> Also, I'm going to leave additional tags or warnings in the notes at the beginning of the respective chapters.
> 
> Side note: Maybe I should have taggged this fic _Strangers to Friends to Enemies to Friends to Lovers_ but that seemed a little bit over the top. Just fyi, so you know what you're getting yourself into if you decide to continue ;)
> 
> Now, please enjoy!

The pub is loud, full of people, and Dean has to push aside everyone who is too lazy to move their ass out of his way to reach the table he’s heading for.

“Coming through… ‘scuse me… You mind? Sorry….”

“Dean! Where’ve you been, man?” Sam shouts when Dean has finally made it.

“I’m here, aren’t I, birthday boy?”

Sam leans over the table, awkwardly hugging his brother. “Congratulations for aging another year,” Dean says and hands over the gift bag he brought.

“Dean, I told you not to get me any presents.”

“And I didn’t… Unless you’re into doggie treats now.”

“Well, that’s different then. Blossom will love those, thanks,” Sam says and puts the bag next to him on the bench. “Come on, sit down. Max was just about to get us another round.”

Max gets up, pats Dean’s back as he greats him and Dean slides into the booth, taking Max’ seat next to Sam. On the other side of the table he faces Max’ sister Alicia and another girl he hasn’t seen before.

“Hi, Alicia. It’s been a while.”

“Guess you gotta blame Sam. He’s been so busy lately, we’ve hardly seen him either. I really hope the new job’s worth missing out on your social life.”

“You mean staying home alone and geeking out over books? Sure,” Dean huffs and Alicia lets out an amused laugh out through her nose.

“Don’t pretend like you don’t love to read, too,” Sam says, rolling his eyes. Of course Dean loves books as much as Sam but admitting that would mean no longer making fun of Sam for being a total nerd and that has been his go-to tease ever since they were kids.

“So, now would you please quit being rude and introduce me to this lovely lady here,” he says instead and the girl next to Alicia tries to hide her blush behind her hands.

“Sure, I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to make you feel left out,” Alicia tells her, arm around her shoulders. “This is Hannah, my old friend from college. She just moved here.”

“Oh, so you don’t know anyone around yet,” Dean assumes. “Pleasure to meet you, Hannah.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” she says and Max returns with a pitcher of beer and a glass for Dean. “All of you. Though, it’s not like I don’t have anyone in town. My brother’s been living here for years.”

Dean is thankful for the drink in his hands now. It’s not that he doesn’t like Sam’s friends but he never really clicked with them.

“We were just talking about how Sam has been neglecting us for petting puppies at work,” Alicia says to fill in her brother on what he’s missed.

“I don’t pet puppies,” Sam says, “I perform surgery, prescribe medication and get scratched and bitten more than you think. And some pet owners really are the worst, so I have to deal with some serious assholes as well. My job isn’t easy.”

“We know, Sam,” Alicia says, stroking his arm over the table. “And we love you and admire everything you do for your career.”

And Dean really hopes it’s worth the horrendous debt he used to be in for allowing his little brother to fulfill his childhood dream. Their parents weren’t exactly wealthy and dad died before Sam graduated from high school but there was no way in hell Sammy wouldn’t have this, so he convinced their mom to let him contribute to his brother’s tuition. Gladly, Mary Winchester only had one of her sons go to college and together their beloved Sam could go to vet school.

“What do you do for a living, Dean?” Hannah asks.

“I specialize in custom remodeling of classic cars.”

“Oh, that sounds really interesting. Actually, my brother has a really crappy car he refuses to get rid of that could use some pimping.”

“If he can afford it, I’m glad to help with that,” Dean says and retrieves a business card from his wallet. It’s not his usual style to acquire clients at gatherings like these, though on the other hand this money payed the bills for Sammy’s education so he should be grateful instead of kicking his foot under the table.

The conversation becomes easier with every beer and when the jug is empty, Dean suggests something with more spirit. He ushers Max to let him get up and order a tray of whiskey shots at the bar, though technically he’s deemed himself too old for this years ago but it’s a special occasion after all.

The bartender is really busy right now and there are a few people waiting at the counter already. Luckily, Dean’s had enough beer to start small talk with random strangers. “I like the shirt,” he says to the woman next to him. It’s tight and black and has a grim looking skull on it and there’s a handful of piercings in her face but he’s not biased when it comes to appearances.

“Not interested,” she says and casually takes a sip from her beer, looking the other way.

“Hey, I just meant to say that’s a cool shirt, is all.”

“Still not interested,” she says. A guy comes up to her and they apparently know each other because she willingly follows him when he takes her hand and pulls her away. From afar he can see them starting a game of darts. At least he finally manages to get the bartenders attention and order his whiskey.

“Ta-da!” he says, balancing the tray on one hand before putting it on the table on front of Sam and his friends. “To Sammy, my baby brother,” he says, raising a shot glass.

“Don’t call me that,” Sam complains but follows suit, Alicia, Hannah and Max as well.

“To Sam,” they all say and knock back their shots.

“Very good,” Dean says, voice rough from the whiskey, and picks up another one.

“I’m out,” Sam says. “I’m on call for the clinic tomorrow. I can’t afford a hangover.”

“But it’s your birthday!” Dean argues.

“I’ll have to quit, too,” Hannah says. “I agreed to give my brother and his friend a lift home tonight.”

At least Max and Alicia are kind enough to help Dean empty the tray.

“So,” Dean says, wiping his mouth after the last drink, “you said your brother’s also here. Why didn’t you invite him to come sit with us? I’m sure Sammy wouldn’t have minded.”

“He’d already planned a night out with his friend,” Hannah says. “It was a coincidence that Alicia invited me along right to where he was going.”

“Where is he then?” Dean says, looking around.

“Right over there by the dartboards, with the black shirt.”

“You mean the guy who’s getting busy with the girl with the dragon tattoo?” It’s the woman from the bar who so rudely rebuffed his casual talk and the guy she was with earlier.

“Her name’s Meg. They used to date but now they’re just fooling around.” Hannah’s brother has both hands on Meg’s waist and she’s messing with his hair, though other than that it seems like they’re just cracking jokes. She then turns around and picks up a few darts but he’s pulling back her arm and keeping her from being able to properly throw them and both end up laughing and gently pushing each other.

“They seem…well, they seem like they’re having fun,” Dean sums up the observation.

The conversation dies down for a moment. Hannah doesn’t really know what else to say to him and Dean can’t blame her.

“So, uh, Max, you still got the jeep?” he instead directs towards the man next to him.

“Yeah,” he says, a bit hoarse. “Still driving that one.”

“You know, the offer still stands. Whenever she’s becoming decrepit, having little ailments, just give me a call and I see what I can do for you,” Dean says.

“Thanks, that’s very kind of you. Did you have any interesting cars to work on lately?”

“Oh, yes. Like when, a month ago, this old lady came in and told me about her late husband’s car and that she wanted to have it fixed before selling it…”

Cars are an easy thing to talk about and Dean’s glad the conversation went there, so he doesn’t have to spend the evening in awkward silence. And also with some liquid help, time goes by rather quickly, until Hannah announces she has to go, apologizing for leaving already, but her brother is leaving which means she’s too. Dean decides this is a great excuse to also call it a night and quickly calls himself an Uber.

“Dean, are you sure you won’t stay a little longer?” Sam asks with his trademark puppy eyes that always got him everything when they were kids.

“Sorry, bro, but I’m still older than you and I need sleep. Enjoy your party! Bye,” he says, they hug, and he wishes the others a good night as well.

Hannah walks right behind him as Dean heads outside and then they stand next to each other on the sidewalk, acknowledging they’re not alone but also too self-conscious to try and start a talk all over again.

“Waiting for my Uber,” Dean mumbles and Hannah nods and thankfully, her brother and his friend exit the bar right then.

“Well, have a good night, Dean. It was nice meeting you,” she says and the trio disappears around the corner.

 

The phone is answered after the fifth ring. Cas almost hoped no-one would pick up and he’d get out of doing this. He loves his car and as opposed to what anyone says, it’s not crappy. Old it is, but not ‘a stinky pile of junk’, as Meg so nicely put it once.

“Hello?” The voice is deep and rough like its owner was in the middle of something.

“Yeah, uh, hi, this is Cas—Castiel Novak, um, Hannah’s brother. She gave me your number.”

There’s a long silence on the other end.

“I’m sorry, who? I don’t know a Hannah.”

Well, this is going great. But he dialed the correct number. He checked it three times before hitting the call button. “Um, she met you at a bar a few weeks back. You were there with your brother or so? Anyway, I’m calling because of my car, a ’78 Lincoln Continental.”

“Oh, yeah, now I remember. Hannah, Alicia’s friend from college. Sorry it took me so long. Sure, how can I help you with your car?”

“I don’t know exactly. I guess it needs a paint job. And maybe some new parts here and there.”

“You could come over to the shop this week and I’ll take a look at it. How about that? I reckon you got my business card with the address.”

“Yes, I do. Would Wednesday at three be okay?”

“Wednesday at three is fine. I’m sorry, what was your name again so I can make a note.”

“It’s Castiel, or just Cas. C-A-S.”

“Cas, alright. See you Wednesday.”

So now Cas has an appointment to get his car fixed. Technically, it doesn’t need fixing but hopefully everyone will shut up now about it.

When Wednesday has arrived, Cas is dreading going to see this Dean guy. He’s still got twenty minutes to put on the final layer of varnish and wash up real quick before he goes.

“Hey there,” a high voice behind him says and he almost drops his brush, startled.

“Claire, what are you doing here? I’ve told you a hundred times not to sneak up behind me when I’m working!”

“When you’re working with sharp tools. I don’t think someone could get hurt by a brush.”

“But one wrong move could ruin hours of hard work,” Cas says and lets out a sigh. “So, to what do I owe the honor of your visit?”

“You said we could hang out today.”

Cas scratches the back of his head.

“You forgot,” she says matter-of-factly.

“No. It’s just, something came up and I need to leave in ten.”

“Liar. Where are you going? I’m coming with you.”

“Oh, just having someone look at my car. I think this’ll be boring for you.”

“You’re finally getting rid of your car!” She sounds way too excited.

“Don’t be ridiculous, no. The guy restores classic cars or so, I don’t know. He’s just looking and then we’ll see what could be done.”

“What could be done—are you kidding me? He better tore it down to the framework and start from there.”

“Stop insulting my car! Fine, you can come along but you need to shut up.”

“Yay! Thanks,” she says and throws her arms around him.

Of course, she can’t keep her mouth shut during the ride to _Winchester Vintage Automobiles_ and already makes plans what he should get rid of and what kind of sound system he should put into his car. The shop is situated right at the edge of town, where the density of buildings fades into more rural settings. He pulls up right next to what seems to be the entrance. There are a few vehicles parked outside, some older models, among them a blue truck from the 50s maybe and a sleek black Chevy.

When they’ve gotten out of the car, an old hearse, in rather bad shape, draws Claire’s attention. “Cool,” she says, trying to keep it nonchalant and Cas knows that expression of hers where she’s actually thrilled but concealing a smile.

“Who’d want to drive that?” Cas asks, curling his lip.

“I would,” Claire says.

“Sure.”

“You’re one to talk with your pimp mobile.”

“It’s not a…whatever.” He walks ahead, through the entrance. The place looks empty. “Hello, someone there?”

“Can I help you?”

Both Cas and Claire spin around. There’s a man standing in the doorway, cleaning his greasy hands on a rag. He’s tall and sturdy, half of his face hidden behind a dark beard.

“Um, yeah,” Cas starts, “I have an appointment with, uh, Mr. Winchester? I’m Cas Novak.”

The man finishes cleaning his hands and stuffs the rag into the back pocket of his jeans before he reacts.

“That yours?” he asks then, gesturing towards the Lincoln outside the window.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m here.”

He nods, side-eyeing Claire before he proceeds to walk away. “Wait here,” he growls.

“Dude’s weird,” Claire says when he’s gone but Cas shushes her. What the fuck was Hannah thinking when she sent him here?

A few minutes go by and Cas considers leaving but then someone comes from further inside the building.

“Cas?” the new guy asks.

“Yes, hi. Dean Winchester?”

He confirms and shakes Cas’s hand, grip firm.

“I’m sorry for my, uh, associate. He’s not good with new people but I can assure you he’s a genius when it comes to cars.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, really,” Cas says and Claire’s responding eye-roll unfortunately catches Dean’s attention.

“Hi there,” he says and offers her his hand, too. “Your daughter?” he asks Cas.

“Godchild,” Cas clarifies.

“I’m here to make sure he’s getting that embarrassment of a car fixed,” she says and Dean snorts in amusement.

“Well then,” Dean says, “shall we?”

They go back outside and after a first look, Dean doesn’t hesitate to open the hood.

“I was thinking,” Cas starts to babble, “it could use some paint. There are a few rusty spots here and over there and also on the roof. And maybe new tires, if that won’t get too expensive…” Dean doesn’t seem to be listening. Instead he says “huh.”

Cas looks at Claire, then walks around the car, standing by Dean’s side. “What is it?”

“I’m afraid she needs much more work than the paint,” Dean says, thoughtfully rubbing his chin.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“It’s a miracle she’s still going. The peeling varnish is the least of your problems.”

“What do mean?”

“Take a look at this, for instance.” Dean points at some sort of pipe line.

“What’s wrong with this?”

“It’s not supposed to look like that.”

“But…it’s been like this ever since I bought the car.”

“I hope you weren’t charged very much then. This thing is a death trap.”

“I knew it,” Claire remarks but Cas doesn’t have the nerve to scold her right now. He’s in shock.

He clears his throat. “So, uh, what are you suggesting?”

“It’d be for the best to remove most of her insides, all of the paint and start from there,” Dean says.

Cas sighs. “What’s that gonna cost?”

“I’ll have to take a closer look before I can give you an estimate, but I can tell you it’ll cost you more than a paint job and new tires.”

“Fuck,” Cas mouths and runs his hand through his hair.

“Or you could leave her here for salvaging and I’ll make you good price for the parts,” Dean offers.

“No. Nope. Not happening. I love this car and I won’t give up on it so easily,” Cas insists.

“Then I’ll examine her and we’ll talk in a few days about what should be renewed and how you’d like everything to be done.”

“I think that’s for the best, yes. But this means I won’t have a car for a while, right?”

“You can borrow one from me, if you want. I have a few. They don’t look so great on the outside but I can assure you they are much safer and reliable than the one you got here.”

“We have a deal then?”

“Yes, I think we do.”

In Dean’s office Cas fills out a few forms and leaves a copy of his license and then he and Claire are good to go in a Ford pickup truck Dean is going to leave in his care until remodeling on his Lincoln is done.

“I think this went great,” Claire says a few minutes into the drive.

Cas isn’t in the mood to reply. On the one hand he’s glad he’ll have a basically brand new car, on the other hand he’s upset it needs much more repairing than he’d anticipated. And he doesn’t even want to think about what that’s gonna cost.

“Also, this one dude was really creepy. But Dean seems nice.”

“Hm,” Cas agrees unenthusiastically.

“And he’s kinda hot.”

“Claire!”

“What?”

“He’s like twenty years older than you.”

“I meant that as a fact! Uh, you’re disgusting… And also–” There’s a pause. “I think I’m into girls now.” She’s sinking a little bit into her seat, looking away from him.

There’s a red light ahead of them and Cas brings the car to a halt. “Have you told your mom?”

“No.” She takes a breath. “I thought you should know first ‘cause you’re cool.”

Cas bites his lip. He loves that kid so much. “You’re cool, too,” he says. The light turns green and he puts his foot back on the gas.

“So,” he says after a while, “is there someone in particular? A girl, I mean.”

The half-smile appears back on Claire’s face and her cheeks turn red. “Maybe.”

“You want to tell me about her?”

“Not right now.” She says and Cas knows better than pushing her.

Later that night, when Cas drops her off at home, Claire gives him an extra tight hug, drawing her mom’s attention.

“What was that?” Amelia asks when Claire has gone upstairs.

“Oh, I guess she’s just glad I won’t embarrass her anymore with my car now that it’s getting a full make-over,” Cas says, shrugging, and then wishes her a good evening, hoping for Claire that everything will go well when she decides to eventually open up to her mom.


	2. Chapter 2

When Cas drives to Dean’s shop for the second time, he, again, isn’t alone. Meg has invited herself along, saying she couldn’t leave all these important decisions about his car to himself. “I love you, but your taste in cars sucks and I can’t risk letting you do this on your own,” she says and Cas gives in without resistance. Any sort of argument with her is pointless anyway.

“Is that him?” she asks when Cas pulls up on the property. The bearded guy is standing in the yard, installing windshield wipers on a car.

“Hello, hi. I’m here to see Dean?” Cas says. To be honest, he’s slightly intimidated. That’s why his announcement sounded like a question.

The guy snorts, pinching his nose. “I’ll get him,” he says.

“So that’s not Dean,” Meg concludes.

“No.”

“Pity,” she says. “There’s something about him…he’s giving me the chills.” She’s shivering as she says that.

“Yeah, me too. He looks like a serial killer.”

“Not those kinds of chills, dumbo! I meant I’d wanna bone him,” Meg snarls, hitting him in the arm.

“I fear I have bad news for you,” Dean says suddenly, “he’s got a girlfriend.” He’s smiling, eyes glistening in the sun. Meg pouts.

“Hi, I’m Dean. We’ve met briefly, remember?” he says, offering his hand.

“Yeah,” she murmurs, “you’re really not my type. But the other guy—”

“Benny.”

“Yes, him,” she says, longingly biting her lip.

“I’m sorry for my friend,” Cas says. “I wasn’t aware you two knew each other.”

“Well, technically, we don’t,” Dean clarifies. “She was at the bar when I met your sister on my brother’s birthday. I just meant to say hi.”

“Oh,” Cas breathes out. He remembers Meg making a remark about some lame dude trying to hit on her. Dean gives him a questioning look. “Never mind,” he says, “let’s talk about my car.”

So, basically, it’s like Dean said. They need to replace most of the insides and completely remodel the dashboard and seats.

“I didn’t know it was this bad,” Cas says.

“You had an abandoned wasp’s nest behind your inner linings, you knew that?”

“What!”

“There’s probably more living inside that garbage dump. That’ll explain the smell,” Meg adds.

“Well, we did find rat droppings under the carpeting,” Dean says through gritted teeth.

“I’m getting sick,” Meg says, pretending to puke. “I swear, if your car gave me the plague or something, I’m gonna lick your eyeballs and make you die with me.”

“I can assure you, we’ve cleaned out everything,” Dean tells them. “But before we can really start to rebuild anything, I need you to think about how exactly you’d like it. I have a few ideas and samples to show you. You don’t have to decide right now, but the sooner you pick a design, the quicker we can finish this. Some parts I’m gonna need to order will take a few weeks to arrive.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about having it painted gold,” Cas says.

Meg gasps and Dean laughs. “Well, the color is one of the last things you need to choose but it’s good to know what we are going to match the leather with.”

“How, of all the colors in the world, did you come up with gold?” Meg asks, exasperated.

“I once saw a picture on the internet once of a similar model that was painted gold and I kinda like it.”

“Uh-huh… And have you considered other colors like, let’s says, black?”

“A lot of people have black cars. I want something that stands out.”

“It stands out already,” Meg mumbles. “Whatever, I’m bored. I’ll wait outside. Maybe I’ll run into Benny again,” she says and off she goes.

Dean clears his throat. “So, uh, did you see the Impala outside, the black one?”

“Are you also trying to convince me to have my car painted another color than gold? ‘Cause I’ve already made up my mind about that?”

“No, I’m asking because that’s actually my car.”

Cas’s eyes widen. “Oh,” he says, “I didn’t mean to offend you. I–”

“None taken, Cas. I just like to tell people that she’s mine. She’s really special to me and I’m guessing yours is too to you.”

“You’re right. I bought it with what I earned for my first bigger project. After opening my own business I had a really rough year but that job finally brought real money.”

“Oh, that’s an interesting story. What is that you do?”

“I’m a carpenter. I specialize in custom furniture and interior design. I also do quite a lot of wood carvings.”

“Maybe that’s a skill we could use for your car then. Something unique that you crafted yourself.”

“That’s actually a great idea, Dean. I’ll think of something.” Perhaps Hannah’s recommendation wasn’t so bad after all.

When they’re done making plans, they find Meg outside, leaning against Cas’s borrowed truck, curling her hair between two fingers as she’s chatting with Benny.

“Oh boy,” Cas breathes when he sees them.

Dean chuckles. “Don’t worry. He’s probably amused by all the attention he’s getting. But he’s very devoted to his girlfriend—fiancée, actually. Your friend doesn’t stand a chance against her.”

They stand there for a while, watching.

“So, uh,” Dean says then, “your sister told me you and Meg used to date.”

Cas raises a brow.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry or anything.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Cas says. “Yes, we dated for two years.”

“Isn’t it weird to be friends with your ex? Again, I’m sorry, but I’ve never managed to stay friends with someone after breaking up.”

“We ended things on good terms. And besides, we were already friends long before we got together.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, we were roommates during college and a few years after as well.” Dean nods. “Anyway, we gotta go now. It was nice seeing you again, Dean. We’ll talk.”

“Yes, see ya. Bye!”

Cas pulls Meg away from Benny, opens the door for her and ushers her inside the truck.

“You’re unbelievable,” he hisses when he steers the truck out onto the road.

“Don’t act like you’re not into beards yourself,” she says and puts on her sunglasses.

 

“Hey, mom. Sorry for being late. But look, I’ve brought pie,” Dean says, presenting her the dish in question. “Apple-cinnamon.”

“You brought me your favorite pie, wow,” she says blankly. “Come on in, Sam and I are starving. We waited for you because we’re polite people.”

“Not because you love me?”

There’s a bark from the other room and a golden retriever comes rushing around the corner, waggling her tail. “Hi Blossom, hi. Good girl, good girl,” Dean says, now down on one knee, scratching the fur at the sides of her head. “I know, you love me. No-one else does, but you’ll always be my girl.”

“Leave my dog alone and get in here Dean, the food is getting cold!” Sam calls from the kitchen.

“You sure she’s still yours?” Dean says, entering, and Sam gets up to give him a hug. “Hasn’t she been spending more time here than at your place lately?”

“You know it’s only temporary until I’ve got a good grip on everything at work. Then I’ll also be able to bring her along sometimes.”

After Sam lets go of him, his mom is also there to hug him. “Now sit,” she says then, “eat.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Dean says and does as he’s told.

“So, how’s the shop,” their mom says later, during dessert.

“Good,” Dean says, munching his pie. “I’ve got a new client who’ll bring quite a lot of money. It’s a big project. He’s got a ’78 Lincoln Continental. It’s a wreck and we gotta rebuild everything.”

“Sounds great,” Sam says.

“Yeah, actually I have to thank you for that.”

“Me?”

“Yes, for inviting me to your birthday party. He’s Hannah brother. You know, Alicia’s friend.”

“Oh, that’s so great. I always tell you you need to do more networking,” their mother says.

“I’ve got enough clients and networking means actively going out and finding people to talk to. Everybody hates that.”

“Isn’t that the same as going out to a bar or so?” she says.

“No. When I go out I’m not doing business. I only try to present myself in a good enough way that someone wants to… You know what I mean.”

“You can say ‘have sex with you’—we’re all adults.”

“Mom!” Sam and Dean yell in unison.

She looks at them with huge eyes and shrugs before bringing the fork to her mouth with the last bit of her pie.

After a while, Sam clears his throat, as if that will make the awkwardness magically go away.

“So, uh, Dean, do you wanna come over next Saturday, have a few beers, maybe watch a movie together? We haven’t spent a lot of time together lately, you know, just the two of us. Not too late, though, I have a shift on Sunday.”

“Sorry, can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I promised Emma to help her find a car. I’ve got a few in my yard that could work for her. They’re old but in good shape and I’d rather she get one from me than buy some over-priced piece of crap that’ll need fixing a week later.”

“You’re giving her a car, just like that?” Dean doesn’t like Sam’s tone.

“She’s my daughter!”

Mary discreetly rises from her chair and collects their plates. Too often she’s found herself in the middle of this argument.

“Why doesn’t her mother buy her a car? Is she even okay with you getting Emma one?”

“Of course, she is. We’ve talked about this and she said if I wanted to I could. We both just want our daughter to be happy. And it’s just the car. I won’t be paying for insurance or anything.”

Now he’s sulking. Dean hates how Sam reacts every time Emma’s name comes up, like he’s jealous or something. When they were kids it was always Sam this, Sam that, poor little Sammy. He loves his brother but sometimes he’s still acting like the spoiled brat he used to be. Sam always got the things Dean had been denied when he was his age but Dean didn’t mind because Sammy was precious and even as a child he only wanted what’s best for his younger brother. Sam should have had everything Dean couldn’t. Unlike him, Sam graduated high school with honors, went to college and even got into vet school. The latter he could only afford because Dean helped pay for it—and that’s the catch: Sam doesn’t know about this. He made their mom promise not to tell Sammy anything. Sam would’ve declined and taken a fulltime job to pay off his loan and he would’ve never finished vet school and everything he had worked for so hard would’ve been for nothing.

“We’ve been over this a hundred times, Sammy. I’m not discussing my relationship with my daughter with you anymore.”

“I’m just saying. You owe her nothing. Not that long ago you didn’t even know she existed and now you’re giving her a car. Are you sure you aren’t only doing this because you want her to like you?”

“Enough, Sam!” Dean almost yells and bangs his fist on the table. Everyone’s quiet after that. Even Blossom doesn’t dare to move or make a noise.

“Sam, come here and help me with the dishes,” their mom says then. Dean’s still breathing away his fury.

While Sam and Mary do the dishes and clean the kitchen, Dean has moved to the living room sofa and turned on the TV, Blossom lying next to him with her head in his lap. Dean is gently carding his fingers through yellow fur as he’s switching from channel to channel until he sets on the rerun of a football game.

“I’m leaving,” Sam says, his head peeking in through the doorway. Dean grunts, complaining about something that happened in the game.

“Dean? I said I’m going.” Dean still ignores him. “Dude, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things.”

“You always say that but it keeps on happening,” Dean mumbles.

“I know I’m an ass sometimes. But you suddenly having a teenage daughter from one day to another is still weird for me.”

Dean turns his head and looks at him. “Oh, so you’re still trying to adjust? How did you think this was for me, huh? I’m sorry you’re not the center of the universe anymore but she’s also your niece, so be nice to her.”

“Whatever,” Sam says. “Call me when you’ve stopped being mad at me. Blossom, come.”

The dog first looks at Dean, then at Sam and hops off the sofa.

“She won’t be staying with mom?”

“No, Sundays aren’t so busy which is why I can bring her to work tomorrow.”

Dean groans and gets off the couch as well. “I hope you’re not coming after him,” he says and strokes Blossom behind her ear.

“Bye, Dean,” Sam says and Dean can’t but pat his brother’s shoulder.

Mary lets them out and then comes to sit next to Dean. “So,” she says, putting a hand on his knee, “now it’s just us.” Dean doesn’t say anything.

“Come on, entertain your mother. What’s going on in your life? Is there a woman you might want to tell me about?”

“No, mom.” He hates when his mother starts to snoop into his private life.

“Hm.” They both watch the TV for some time but Dean can feel that she’s fidgety and wants him to talk.

“What do you want me to tell you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe about some interesting cars you have been working on lately.”

“I finished the ’67 Ford Galaxie last week. But you already know the story.”

“Baby’s evil twin—yeah, I remember.”

“That thing was a real pain in the ass. Full of inconveniences.”

“Still, you tamed the beast,” she says, stroking his arms.

“Yes, I did,” Dean says and smiles. “Other than that, though, the only bigger project I’ve been able to acquire was the Lincoln I already told you about.”

“You said Sam knows the owner or something.”

“His sister. Well, Alicia knows his sister. The guy’s alright. I think we’ll be working well together. He’s a carpenter and he might be doing some work for the console himself.”

“What’s his name? Maybe I know him.”

“Cas. Castiel or something. Novak.”

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“He’s still friends with his ex,” Dean says.

“And how did you come to know that?” his mom says and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“She was there for his last appointment. She seems to be very much into Benny. Of course she’s barking up the wrong tree with him but he kinda enjoyed being flirted with.”

“I can picture that!”

“But don’t you think it’s weird to stay friends with your ex? I mean, when I think about how things ended with Lisa….or Cassie.”

“Relationships don’t always have to end in a disaster. If you’re still getting along then why shouldn’t you try to be friends?”

“You and dad weren’t friends after you got divorced.”

“That was different,” she says and looks away from him and focuses on the TV again. “We hardly even talked anymore.”

Dean sighs. She really doesn’t need to tell him that. Often enough he had to play messenger because their parents wouldn’t do the bare minimum of talking to each other. Their divorce was messy and they were fighting over custody for him and Sam for years.

“Anyway,” she says, “thanks for the gossip. I miss that—just you and I, judging people and talking shit.” Her words make him laugh.

“Same,” he says, “same.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have (= I definitely have) taken some ideas for this chapter from TV shows because I don't know anything about car restoration or mechanics in general.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for some slight Cas/Mick!

Dean follows the trail of sawdust through a storage unit. There are so many different kinds of wood and Dean loves the smell of everything in here. It feels like a childhood memory. Not his own, though. When he was a boy, it was mostly the scent of engine grease that brought him joy. He’s always loved cars, ever since he can remember.

He finds a half-finished table, its freshly glued parts held together by clamps. And there he is, with his back turned to Dean and he was warned not to startle him. He tries to approach him as loudly as possible, almost stomping, coughing a little to announce his arrival. Cas looks over his shoulder. “Dean! What are you doing here?” He carefully puts down the hammer he was holding, dusts off his jeans a little and takes off his work gloves and grabs Dean’s hand to shake.

“I was just driving by and when I saw the sign outside I thought ‘this must be Cas’s workshop.’”

“Well, it is. But how did you get in here.”

“Your daughter, uh, Claire, said it was okay if I came back here,” Dean stumbles, “uh, I’m sorry, I thought…”

“No, it’s alright. Claire often acts like she’s running my front desk. But she’s not. She sometimes comes here to do her homework in my office. And she’s my godchild, not actually my daughter, although she somehow is to me. Anyway, what can I do for you, Dean?”

“Oh, nothing. Like I said, I only wanted to take a look, see where you work. Have you already made plans for your car?”

Cas shakes his head. “Haven’t gotten to it yet. I was busy building this stage here for the 4th of July event tomorrow.”

“Oh, cool. I’ll be there too with a car show. Many of my clients have volunteered to present their cars and there’ll also be a few of mine that I haven’t sold yet. You’re coming, right?”

“Of course I will. This sounds very interesting, Dean.”

“So, what exactly is this stage for?”

“I only know there’ll be a children’s choir’s concert and also a costume contest.”

“There’s a costume contest! Why wasn’t I informed? I’m awesome at costume contests. I would’ve won this thing, I assure you. What’s the theme anyway?”

“Famous Americans.”

“You mean, like, presidents or so? Which Abe Lincoln has the taller hat?” He laughs.

“No, the contest isn’t reduced to political or historical figures. Last year, for instance, the winner was a very convincing Beyoncé, dressed in her _Single Ladies_ outfit. Also, the performance was the deciding factor for the jury.”

“I wish I’d seen that. Not just for the dance performance. She must’ve been very proud of herself.”

“Well, _he_ was.”

“What?”

“Beyoncé was a he. I think you know him. He’s your brother’s friend, Max Banes.”

“Max won a competition dressed up as Beyoncé? You mean he walked on stage in a tight black bodysuit?”

“Yep.”

Dean lets out a shaky gasp. He knows Max is gay and all but he didn’t think he was _that_ kind of gay.

“Dean, everything alright?”

“Yeah, sorry, I was just…picturing that.”

Cas laughs. “Yeah, you really missed something there. Um, so, while you’re here, would you like me to show you some of my works?”

“Yes, please. I’m curious.”

Cas leads him to the other side of the room to where a few pieces lie on the workbench. “It’s a decorative element for a balcony. I haven’t gotten very far yet with it but that’s the basic design. These carvings take forever but they’re also the most fun to do. I mean, I also like to turn on the big table saw but this is work you do with your hands and it takes time and patience…it’s almost like meditation for me.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Thanks,” Cas says and fails to hide his smile. “Wait, I’ll show you something that’s more than only a few ornaments.”

He gets a ladder from the corner and climbs up to the intermediate floor under the ceiling. When he steps back onto the ladder, he’s holding a heavy looking chair in one hand.

“Do you need help?” Dean asks.

“No, I’ve got it,” Cas says, slightly strained, but his body tells another story. He seems to be used to heavy lifting and with a job where he’s got to carry boards and logs on a daily basis, Dean guesses he has to be in good physical shape. He’s careful on the ladder and the bicep of the arm that’s carrying the chair challenges the seam of his T-shirt. Dean hadn’t really noticed before, or at least he hadn’t given it much thought up until now, but Cas is actually quite firmly built. There’s got to be some serious abs going on under that shirt and—

“Dean?”

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“I was asking what you think of it?”

“Wow!” There’s so much going on, he doesn’t know what to say. It’s rather a throne than a chair.

“It’s not finished yet, only the wooden structure. The upholstery is still missing. The seat and backrest are supposed to be covered with leather.”

“It’s beautiful, really,” Dean says. “I’m impressed, Cas.”

Now Cas smiles openly but he’s still being modest about his skills. He licks his lips. “Dean, um, I’d really like to talk more but I have to finish this today and I’m in a bit of a hurry.”

“Yeah, sure, no problem, Cas. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, see you tomorrow,” he says and Dean gives his back two friendly pats.

Every year on the 4th of July, there’s this festival going on in a field just outside of town and local businesses sponsor attractions or make their own barbecue and it’s all burgers and beer and games for the kids. This year, Dean and Benny had the idea for their classic car show–American cars only, of course—and he’s as excited as every time his dad took him to car shows and races.

“Dean-bean! Hiiii!” Before he can even react to the voice, he’s being pulled in a tight hug.

“Sheriff,” he says after she’s let go of him, pinching an invisible hat.

“How’re ya doing, buddy?” Donna says, her smile all teeth, as always. “Long time, no see.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy. But how about we talk next week and see if we can make it out for a drink or two?”

“Gotcha!”

A man is coming closer and hands her a cup of beer over her shoulder. “Oh, thank you. Dean, meet my new boyfriend, Doug. Doug, this is my friend Dean, the owner of Winchester Vintage Automobiles.”

“Doug?” Dean asks, giving her a look.

“I know, it’s unfortunate but I’m usually calling him Sweet Cheeks anyway,” she says and slaps his butt.

Doug ignores her and instead takes Dean’s hand. “Nice to meet you, Dean. And it’s not my fault I’ve got the same name as your ex-husband,” he says to Donna.”

“I know. I only blame your parents. Anyway, Dean, we gotta go now. I don’t wanna miss the children sing. See you later maybe?”

“Yeah, see you later, Donna. Doug, it was nice meeting you.” He follows them with his eyes as the couple walk towards the small stage he knows is Cas’s handiwork.

“Andrea’s niece is singing there, you know. I’m glad I have an excuse to miss it,” Benny says, wiping a kid’s finger prints off a Mustang’s hood.

“As a father I find that offensive,” Dean says, only half-ironically.

“Oh please! Yours was basically an adult when you got her… Ah, look who’s there.”

Dean turns around to see who he’s talking about. “Cas! You’re here!” There’s also a guy with him.

“Dean, yes. I was really excited to see this. This is my friend Mick by the way. He’s visiting from the UK.”

“Pleasure,” Mick says. “Cas has told me quite a lot about you.” Cas glares at him and Dean doesn’t know why he finds that so funny.

“Now show me what you’ve got there,” Cas says, smiling brightly. He gives them a small tour and points out his favorite part on every car he’s worked on. “You’ve got a talent, Dean,” he says, “I’m glad I gave my car into your experienced hands.” Now Dean knows how Cas must have felt yesterday when he was complimenting him but he appreciates the ego boost.

“Hey, uh, there’s barely anyone waiting in line right now,” Cas tells Mick then. “I’ll use the opportunity to get us something to drink. I’ll be right back. Behave!”

“I’m always behaving,” Mick says and shrugs while giving Dean an innocent look.

“So, Mick, how do you know Cas?” he asks when it’s just the two of them.

“We went to college together. After graduation I moved back to London to start a job in my family’s business.”

“What is it that you do?”

“Ah, all kinds of stuff. Mostly real estate, finance. We’re also running a charity foundation.”

Aha, so he’s rich. Didn’t have to work a day in his life to get a top level job, unlike Dean who owes everything he has to no-one but himself and hard work.

“So, uh, _Mick,_ do you like vintage cars?”

“Sure. Those are some really nice models you’ve got there. My father also collects classic cars.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. It’s mostly Bentley and Rolls Royce, though.” _Brag._

“So no American cars then—that’s a shame. They’re the best.”

Mick takes a breath as if to say something but before he’s able to, Cas is back with two beers.

“What’re talking about?”

“Cars,” Dean says, beating Mick to the answer.

Cas looks at them with suspicion but doesn’t comment. “Dean, do you have to stay here all night or can we meet up later? Maybe you could come and watch the costume contest this year?”

“I don’t know yet, but sure, I’ll catch you later. Have fun!”

They blend into the crowd as Dean observes Mick’s every move. He only just met that guy and he dislikes him already.

“They said there’s a costume contest?” Benny says, standing beside him. “How come you’re not in it? You’re always very competitive when it comes to dressing up for Halloween parties.”

“Yeah, I know. I would’ve rocked this famous Americans theme. You know who won last year?”

“Do I look like I do?”

“Max Banes. Dressed up as Beyoncé.”

Benny laughs out loud, a deep rumbling sound. “That’s hilarious. I wish I’d seen that.”

“Why on Earth would he choose that? And how could he win with this? There are so many possibilities for _manly_ all-American costumes, you know. Like Indiana Jones or Han Solo or Gunnar Lawless.”

“You’re aware that two of those are fictional, right? And sure, wearing spandex and drawing attention to your crotch oozes testosterone,” Benny says and huffs.

“Gunnar Lawless is the most masculine man I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet in person. I even had his poster in my room when I was a boy.”

“Sure, buddy,” Benny says, dropping a hand on his shoulder, before walking over to new visitors.

Later, he hears that this year’s winner, a guy, came dressed as Axl Rose in a full-on eighties look and Dean is satisfied. When it’s past ten, he and Benny decide to close their exhibition and mingle with the rest of the festival guests, Benny soon finding his fiancée Andrea. Dean only sticks with them very briefly before stalking off on his own. So far he hasn’t run into anyone he knows but Donna or Cas or someone else is surely around.

He gets himself a burger and then another one and finally encounters a few familiar faces and flirts a little with a group of pretty girls over more beer. It’s getting close to midnight and most people have already gathered further away from the festival set-up, waiting for the fireworks to happen.

From afar he spots Cas but hesitates to go up to him because, of course, Mick is there too. He takes another sip from his beer. There’s a collective “aahh” when the first firework takes off and explodes into a white star. More follow and Dean decides he’ll talk to Cas later.

When the show is over, Cas and Mick are gone. Maybe they got bored and walked away early, so Dean goes back to look for them. It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t find Cas anymore tonight but he said they’re gonna talk and he doesn’t want Cas to think he was avoiding him or something. He’s looking for a while and when he comes to the parking lot, he sees them. Mick has Cas crowded back against his pickup truck—Dean’s pickup truck—and they’re whispering, all giggly. Dean makes a start to go and say hi but then all of a sudden, Mick seals his lips to Cas’s and he stops dead in his tracks. He’s waiting for Cas to push him away, to punch him even. Instead, Cas wraps his arms around Mick’s shoulders and pulls him closer. _What the fuck is happening?_ Why isn’t Cas objecting to having the British prick’s tongue pushed down his throat? He knows Cas isn’t gay or anything because he has an ex-girlfriend and he’s got a proper man’s job and…. Is this even real?

Dean turns on his feet, stumbling briefly, and hurries to get away from the scene. The sight was utterly disgusting and he loathes Mick for doing this to Cas. He finds himself back by their stand and starts packing up. They had planned to do this in the morning but Dean reckons it’s for the best to do this now. He feels like he’s in a trance or something and tries hard not to think about what he just witnessed.

 

“I don’t think Dean likes me,” Mick says after they’ve left the car show.

“What do you mean? I thought you were just talking about cars. Did you say you didn’t like them or what?”

“It’s just a feeling, I don’t know.”

There’s a small crowd in front of the stage Cas built, applauding the children’s choir as they’re walking off.

“Be honest, what did you do?”

“Nothing, I swear.” Cas looks at him with intent. “Cas, I didn’t mention your crush or anything if that’s what you’re afraid of.”

“I don’t have a crush. And even if I did, I’m still not sure Dean is even into men.”

“Didn’t you say he was basically drooling over you when he came to visit your workshop? And what even was that, huh? You’re his client, you barely know each other and still he drops by because he _happened_ to be there. And he kept praising your stuff.”

“Because I’m good at what I do.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Stop it. He’s handsome and I wouldn’t object to dating him but, like you said, we barely know each other and we’re in a business relation.”

“I bet he’s into you.”

“Enough, Mick. Can we please watch the show now?”

Cas is glad Mick’s here. They hadn’t seen each other in three years and although they’re exes, they’re still good friends. Mick was Cas’s first serious relationship with a man and they were together almost all of college, even lived together with Meg in a small two-bedroom apartment, but when it became clear that Mick would return to London after graduation, they decided to break up.

“You aren’t upset that I made Claire’s room ready for you, are you?” Cas asks after the first contestant has left the stage.

“Why would I be? I’m glad I get to sleep in an actual bed and don’t have to crash on the couch.”

“I meant to ask if you were expecting to sleep with me?”

Mick’s eyes become huge.

“Not sleep with me but in my room, in my bed, geez,” Cas sighs.

“Cas, you know me. I’m single, you’re single and whatever you’d like to happen, I’m on board with it. We know each other well and why shouldn’t we have a little bit of fun while I’m here? Unless you want to save yourself for _Dean_ , that is.” He laughs at his own words.

“You’re making this bigger than it is,” Cas says.

“Don’t tell me it’s not big. You know it is.”

“Uh, I hate you,” he sighs, “no more Dean-talk for tonight, promise?”

“Yeah, yeah, I promise.”

They get back to watching the show and when the winner is eventually announced, Cas still doesn’t know who the guy is supposed to be. The way he acted during his presentation, Cas deducts he must be some kind of rock star.

Later, they get some barbecue and find a place to sit with Hannah and her work colleagues. Mick can’t help but talk about the stock market and the others are either genuinely interested in what he’s got to say or they simply don’t want to appear as clueless as they possibly are. Cas distances himself from the group. He knows how Mick tends to ramble on about these things for hours and Cas usually gets bored. He wishes Meg had come with them because she always managed to silence him without any effort and without irritating Mick over being shushed. Maybe their relationship had only worked out for so long because Meg was by their side all the way through it.

“Cas, there you are! Why did you wander off?” Mick says after finding him again.

“I got tired of…sitting.”

“Isn’t there a firework about to happen soon?” Mick asks. “We should go unless we want to miss something.”

Mick lays a hand on Cas’s back as they walk over to the open field where a few spectators are already awaiting the highlight of this festival.

“Doesn’t this make you a bit nostalgic?” Mick says after the first one exploded with a bang, followed by sounds of appreciation by the crowd.

“Maybe,” Cas says, watching the reflection of the fireworks in his eyes. Mick smiles, slowly leaning in.

Cas pulls away after they’ve kissed only briefly. “Not here,” he murmurs.

“What? Are you afraid Dean could see and get jealous?”

Cas doesn’t reply. Instead he takes his hand and pulls him away, all the way back to the parking lot where it’s rather dark as opposed to the festival site.

“Oh, are we going home already?” Mick asks, very amused, when they’ve reached Cas’s pickup truck.

“Later,” he says, leaning his back against the passenger side of the car and drags Mick towards him by his shoulders. “I’ve thought about the sleeping arrangements for tonight.”

“Yeah?” Mick says in a breathy voice.

“I think the guest room’s going to stay empty tonight.”

“Is it?”

Cas nods. “But tonight’s an exception, just to be clear.”

“Crystal,” Mick says and finally kisses him again, for real this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously consider writing a [Cas/Mick prequel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17406500) for this fic.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week has been *exhausting* and it feels like a wild dream now that I've actually had Monday off. However, I got some writing done then and this fic is mostly finished now. As you might have noticed (probably not but now I've told you) the chapter count has gone up to 12 because the last part got longer than I thought and I decided to split the chapter.
> 
> Things I've got to say for chapter 4:  
> \- Dean is a dumbass  
> \- One warning: Claire uses the word _queer_ to describe herself and Cas (not in a negative way, though)

The phone is still ringing and Cas is convinced no-one is going to pick up this time either. It’s already the fourth time he’s calling. He’s talked himself into a fear that something must have happened to Dean because why else wouldn’t he pick up his phone or call him back?

“Yeah?”

“Dean! Finally, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for days.”

“I had some trouble with my phone, sorry. How can I help you?”

“Well, I have, at last, gotten around to make a few design drafts for my car. When would you be available to discuss them?”

“There’s been a lot going on lately, but I’m sure I can fit you in sometime. How about next Friday at three thirty?”

“I’ll be there. See you soon, Dean!”

“Yeah, bye,” he says and hangs up.

So Dean appears to have gotten a number of new jobs. Good for him.

When he gets to the shop on Friday, he’s being greeted by Benny.

“Where’s Dean? He said he’ll be there today.”

“I think he said you could come with your designs but of course I can’t know exactly what he’s told you. Dean isn’t in right now. He asked me to handle your appointment.”

“So, he isn’t here, at all?”

“Nope, sorry. I can assure you, though, I’m as competent as Dean is when it comes to cars. I’m the co-owner here after all,” Benny tells him.

“I know… It’s just—I was hoping I could take a look at this together with Dean, since he’s been working on my car from the beginning. I think he already has a good grasp of which direction I want this to be going.”

“If you insist on doing this with Dean, then you could come back when he’s here. And when he’s open for appointments. But he’s very busy at the moment and don’t think you’d want a few weeks delay on the restoration, would you?”

“He’ll only have time for me again in a few weeks?”

“I’m afraid so,” Benny says, arms crossed.

“Well, I guess then, we are a team now, you and I?”

“You’re the boss,” Benny says and leads Cas back to where the remains of his car sit.

Benny’s right. He knows what he’s doing and he’s got great visions but he isn’t Dean and Cas wonders what could’ve come up that Dean is so tied up all of a sudden.

“Thank you, Benny. I think this is going well and you’re right, we’re doing this here like, so,” he says when they’ve gone over everything.

“Trust me, it’ll look better and be more practical. Call me, if anything comes up in the meantime.”

“I will, thank you. Have a nice evening, bye!”

Benny follows him outside but before Cas reaches his truck, he comes to a halt. Something’s off and it takes him a moment to realize what exactly but then it dawns on him. Dean’s Impala is parked in the yard.

“Wait, Dean is here?”

Benny is pursing his lips. “I, uh, think he said something about taking the Mustang to a potential buyer. Like I said, he won’t be coming in anymore tonight.”

“I think at the auto show he told me it’s already been sold,” Cas says and furrows his brows. “I’ll better take a look inside. Just in case he’s here. I want to talk to him.”

“Cas, I thought we’ve been over everything….” Cas isn’t listening. Determined, he’s stalking towards the office and pushes the door open. The entry hall is empty but he hears a noise coming from the backroom.

“Clients are not allowed back there,” Benny says, “Cas, you’re not—” Then the door opens and Dean comes to halt in the doorway.

“Cas!” Dean says, a little out of breath. “What are you doing here?”

“You said I could come over today and you’ll look at my designs when we talked on the phone last week, remember?”

“Yes… Yes, of course. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it today but I’m sure you were in good hands with Benny.” He pauses, looking down as he rubs his hands together. “So, uh, if you’ll excuse me. I’ve gotta go. Have a good day,” he says and rushes past them.

“Is everything alright with him?” Cas asks Benny. “He seemed, I don’t know, anxious?”

“Hey, don’t look at me, man. I can’t speak for him but for sure I ain’t got no problem with whether you prefer women or men.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Listen, I didn’t mean to offend you or anything. It’s like I said,” Benny says, proceeding to go back outside to signal him the conversation is over.

Without another word, Cas gets back into the truck, sitting there for a while with his hands on the steering wheel before he eventually starts the engine. He tries to make sense of what just happened but completely blanks out on a reasonable explanation. Did Dean see him and Mick kissing at the festival, during the fireworks? But that was just briefly and Cas didn’t think anyone noticed because everyone’s eyes were focused on the sky. Did he see him in the parking lot then? But why would he’ve even been there. No-one else was around and it was dark… Or maybe Dean just assumed things. Who knows what Mick really said to him when he was getting their drinks. So, could this mean—is Dean jealous?

Or… Cas doesn’t want to think of what the other reason for Dean’s sudden avoidance towards him could be. Dean is not homophobic. He can’t be. He’s friends with Max…well, technically his brother is, but they seem to be getting along.

Perhaps Dean assumed that Cas was strictly into women because of…Meg. And when—if—he saw him with Mick, he was thrown off guard. So what! It’s none of Dean’s business. He’s paying him a lot of money for what he’s doing with his car after all.

He hopes that, whatever the reason for Dean’s obvious lie is, he’ll get over it and they can be friends. At least, Cas had the impression they were about to become friends. He was even not too pessimistic about them eventually becoming more than friends—if Dean would be into that kinda thing, that is. But apparently he’s not. Or is he?

Whatever, although none of the options is a healthy one, he hopes it’s the jealousy thing and Dean is secretly into him. When Dean is ready to talk to him again, he’ll make clear that he and Mick haven’t been in a relationship for a very long time and that Dean’s behavior is utterly childish.

Although the situation appears to be fucked up right now, he should probably sit through this one. For better or worse. At least Dean seems to have arranged that he’ll only be working with Benny anyway from now on.

Then he remembers that he’s supposed to be picking Claire up from a friend’s house. He pulls out his phone and scrolls through their texts for the address.

“So, the girl I just saw isn’t Alex,” he says when Claire slides in on the passenger seat.

“No, she’s not. I’ve got other friends too, you know.”

“And what’s her name?”

“Kaia,” she says and although it’s already dark outside, Cas can see her smiling from the corner of his eye.

“Do you know Kaia from school or..?”

“Kick-boxing class.”

“Ah, so you’re training together.”

“She’s way ahead of me. She could totally kick my ass. But I think that’s cool.”

“And might there be a chance that Kaia’s the girl you told me about. You know, the one you like?”

Claire squirms in her seat. “I’m not ready yet to introduce her as my girlfriend,” she says.

“You don’t have to,” Cas reassures.

“But I really like her.” Cas smiles back at her but after a second the self-consciousness becomes too much for Claire and she turns her head to look out the window. He just hopes everything will turn out alright for her when she decides to come out about her relationship with Kaia. With her mom, with the kids at school, everyone.

“You know,” he says when they’ve arrived at Claire’s house, “if there’s ever anything you want to talk about, I’m here for you.”

“Because you’re queer too?”

“No. Yes. But also because you’re like a daughter to me and I love you.”

“Uh, I’m feeling very uncomfortable right now,” she says but Cas knows this is just the teenager in her speaking who is always embarrassed by parents or parental figures getting real.

“I’m sorry but you’ll have to endure me being sappy. I’m proud of you.”

“Ugh, stop it, please!”

“And even when you’re long grown up, you will always be my little girl…”

Claire groans again and opens the car door. “You’re the worst.”

“The little girl, with curly hair, who makes tea parties with all the plushies I got her…”

“Bye,” she says, slams the door shut and Cas laughs, waving her goodbye through the windshield. He waits until she’s inside the house and has the door locked behind her. Then he restarts the engine and drives off. This was exactly what he needed to lighten up his mood.

 

Dean has been avoiding Cas for weeks now. In hindsight, the way he handled the entire situation was probably not a very wise one and the incident where he staged his hurried departure due to a different engagement might have been a little unconvincing but Cas seems to have put up with Benny taking over the job with his car. The radio silence after finding out that Cas was gay or so was probably the worst he could have done, considering he’s a business man who depends on obtaining good relationships with his clients and positive reviews, but for some reason seeing Cas with another guy that way disturbed him so much that he couldn’t continue doing his job like he’s supposed to. It’s not like Dean has got any problems with gay people. Max is an alright dude who has good taste in cars. Okay, the Beyoncé thing was bit over the top, but other than that he’s okay with him and Sam being friends. And his brother never mentioned any occasion where Max would have hit on him.

Also, Dean can’t recall noticing any sort of behavior from Cas that might have indicated that he’s, well, not straight. He’d like to know the story behind this. Did he and Meg break up after Cas found out he was gay or how come he has an ex-girlfriend and then he’s kissing a dude all of a sudden. A shiver runs down his spine.

What about all that complimenting his work at the car show? Was he up to something, stroking his ego so much? But Mick was there to hear every word of it and if they’re together, this doesn’t make any sense. Maybe Cas was trying to make Mick jealous—but why? He still doesn’t get it.

Today, Dean is taking Emma to the mall and he offered to buy her a few things if she finds anything she’d like, although all she’s asked of him was to hang out with her. He thinks it’s weird that she doesn’t object to go shopping with her dad because when he was her age and his mom had offered to go looking for clothes with her, he would have died. He was way too cool at seventeen to be seen anywhere with his mother. Yet, he’s glad his daughter isn’t like him in that regard. She even seems to be proud to have got someone with her who she can call ‘dad.’ Though, the latter took some time. She started out with ‘Dean,’ but now, after two years, she’s comfortable enough with him to stick to ‘dad.’

“Emma, that’s the men’s department over there. Stop, where are you going?”

“I’ve already found some really nice stuff here. Who cares if it says _Men’s_ or _Women’s_. But we’re not here to look for something for me,” she says, her tone indicating something like ‘don’t ask stupid questions.’

“We are not?”

“No. We gotta find something for you.”

“For me? Why?”

“‘Cause your style is a little, um, let’s say, lacks variation.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I’m saying is, you really rock the lumberjack look but I think you could do better than plaid.”

“What’s wrong that?”

“Let’s just see what we can do, okay?”

Dean gapes at her before she storms off to browse through the racks.

“Didn’t you say you were going out next week with Benny? To a club or so?”

“Yeah, it’s his bachelor party?”

“And what were you planning on wearing that night?” She stops her search to hear him out.

“I-I don’t know. Jeans and a nice T-shirt, I guess.”

“Do all of your jeans look like those you are wearing right now?”

“What’s wrong with them?”

“Have you ever thought about skinny jeans? I think they’d look good on you. And a button-up shirt. But with a little pattern.”

“I, uh…”

“And cool boots. Not like those you’re wearing for work. Cool ones.”

Dean doesn’t even get to argue with her. In no time she’s gathered a few items and ushers him towards the dressing rooms. The jeans she picked are really tight but he’s got to admit they actually look kinda good. He tries on the first shirt and feels slightly strange when he looks into the mirror.

“Are you wearing something already?” Emma asks from outside.

“I’m not sure about this, kid,” he says.

“Get out, I wanna see for myself.”

He opens the door, hoping no-one else is paying attention. “And?”

“Wow,” she says.

“You like it?”

“You look amazing, dad. Just, one more thing,” she says and comes closer to tuck the front of the shirt into his pants. “Now it’s perfect.”

“You sure this is supposed to be worn that way?”

“Trust me.”

“She’s right,” someone says and of course it has to be Cas. Can’t he just spend an afternoon at the mall with his daughter in peace?

“He’s looking good, isn’t he?” Emma says.

“He looks great,” Cas agrees and Dean doesn’t like the way his eyes are raking all over his body. “You’re with him?” he says, pointing his thumb at Dean.

“He’s my dad,” Emma says.

“Oh, really? Dean, I didn’t know you have a daughter.”

“You’ve got your secrets, I’ve got mine,” Dean says and Cas gives him a weirded-out look.

“What are you talking about, dad?” Emma says. She sounds seriously offended.

“I’m gonna take this off and get dressed again. I don’t need any more clothes.”

“Does this mean you’re not buying any of this?” Emma asks.

“No,” he says and shoots Cas a quick glare before drawing the curtain.

He hears Cas say, “It was nice meeting you. I’ve got to leave now,” and quickly pulls off the shirt and the jeans. If these clothes earn him those kinds of looks from Cas, then he definitely shouldn’t buy them. It’s awful enough that the guy seems to have a thing for him, he doesn’t need to encourage him as well.

“Why don’t you like this guy?” Emma asks when they’re leaving the store.

“He’s, uh, I don’t know. There’s just something about him that puts me off.”

“I think he seemed nice.”

“Well, I didn’t say he isn’t.”

“But you don’t like him. Although he’s nice.”

“When you say it like that, it makes me sound stupid.”

“I mean, it sort of does.”

“Whatever. Where do you want to go next?”

Finally, Emma is shopping for herself. He doesn’t need a new wardrobe. Not for going out with a bunch of guys who just want to celebrate a friend's upcoming wedding by getting utterly wasted. And he certainly doesn’t need new clothes that weirdly appeal to Cas Novak who’s undressing him anyway with his eyes when he wears them. Dean is not a piece of meat and if he ever wants to be ogled like this then it should preferably be by a pretty lady, a hot one. Definitely not Cas.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for mildly dubious consent in the second part of this chapter

Dean is even worse than Cas had thought. Now he can’t even comment on his looks anymore without Dean being offended. His daughter had asked him a question and Cas only gave an honest answer. His suspicions for Dean being so off have leaned more towards homophobia and Cas is really not happy about that.

He’s been in an awful mood lately and his latest appointment with Benny stayed behind his expectations. At first he’d thought things were going well with him, but, to be honest, he’s not Dean and Dean’s visions were in perfect harmony with what Cas had imagined for his car.

Even Meg has already asked him what’s gotten into him and said he didn’t know because he doesn’t want her to drive up to Winchester Vintage Automobiles and make a scene.

Mick has been calling him more frequently since he’s returned to the UK and he, too, understands that something is seriously bugging him. Cas isn’t sure if he regrets having sex with him while he was here. Nostalgia was the motivating factor but maybe sleeping with his ex wasn’t such a great idea after all.

They’ve only talked via Skype but last night Mick tried to instigate phone sex and Cas was absolutely not into this.

“I don’t want a long-distance friend with benefits, Mick,” he said.

“I was only trying to improve your mood.”

“Not helping, Mick.”

“Then go out, meet new people, have fun with someone on your side of the pond.”

And perhaps that’s exactly what he should do. He thought about asking Meg to accompany him but in reality he doesn’t need anyone to bear witness to eventual bad decisions.

So this is what he does—going out to a club, having a few drinks, flirting, maybe taking someone home with him.

It’s loud but the dance floor is only half-full yet and most people seem to be sticking to the bar, talking to their friends, so the logical thing to do is get himself a drink first. He’s resting his back against the counter and watches the go-go dancers in their cages. Next to him, a group of people in their mid- to late twenties burst into laughter. He catches a few of them looking in his direction but turn their heads when they realize they’ve been noticed.

The night is still young, so he decides to be patient. He finishes his drink and orders another one. Then the boldest member of the group finally approaches him.

“Are you here all on your own?”

“Depends,” Cas says, “will you keep me company?”

His reply earns him a smile. “Hi, I’m Benjamin.”

“Cas. Nice to meet you.”

The conversation goes well—a lot of flirting involved, including gentle touches—until, after a while, he randomly meets the eyes of someone across the room: Dean’s.

He’s glaring at him like he’s got a problem with Cas obviously alluring to someone else and Cas wonders what the fuck is wrong with this guy. All he can do is ignore him and that’s what he does. He takes a deep breath and another sip from his drink, focusing all his attention on Benjamin.

They then agree to hit the dance floor and Benjamin has got some really cool moves and maybe there are more hands sliding up and down backs and along waists than those moves actually require but Cas is very much into it.

When they head back to the bar afterwards, Cas can’t help but notice Dean again in a group of guys, one of them being Benny. Luckily, Dean doesn’t see him this time, though later he catches him staring and quickly looking away when he becomes aware he’s been spotted by the person he seems to be so strangely obsessed with tonight.

Benjamin has to leave, not wanting to stay behind with Cas because it’s a friend’s birthday and everyone agreed to stay together all night, yet they exchange phone numbers. The moment he’s on his own again, Dean comes to stand right next to him at the bar but doesn’t even do the slightest thing to acknowledge his existence.

Cas has had enough of it. “What the fuck is wrong with you, man? What did I ever do to you?”

“Oh, hi Cas. You here? Having fun?”

“Could you answer my question?”

“Nothing’s wrong. All good.”

“Really? ‘Cause you haven’t been able to take your eyes off of me tonight? Is there anything I can do for you?” His tone is getting more aggressive with every word.

“Please,” Dean says in a high-pitched voice, “there’s a lot to look at in here,” following a woman’s ass with his eyes as she walks by, “but definitely not you.”

“You know what I think? You’re either a homophobic asshole or you’re in deep, deep denial over how attracted you are to me!”

Dean laughs but it’s very obviously fake. “Ha, that’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard. I’m so not into dudes, believe me. How did you even come up with such an idea?”

“I bet that actually you’re suppressing a part of yourself so hard that you’ve completely lost it. Good night, Dean,” he says and leaves. Dean doesn’t follow.

 

The night they’ve been looking forward to for weeks has finally come and Dean is pumped—it’s been forever since he’s gone out to party and what better occasion is there than his best friend getting married soon? He’s intent on having a good time tonight and making this special for Benny. He’s never before been to the club he’s picked for them but there are not many choices in the area and they’d agreed on staying close by and not driving so far that they’d have to find a place to stay overnight. Benny is crashing with Dean, however, because his future wife definitely doesn’t want to see him after a wild night out with the guys. It’s clear that he’s set on the right place when they walk downstairs and see the half-naked go-go girls dancing in cages high up in the air. The fact that there’s also a topless guy, his oiled abs glistening in the light, is something he can ignore. Something that he can’t overlook, though, is that, of all the places, this is the club Cas has to be in on the exact same night that Dean is and that pisses him off.

“What the fuck is _he_ doing here?”

“Who?” Benny asks and Dean nods his head in Cas’s direction. “Ah. Hm, should I say hello?”

“Benny, no, absolutely not!”

“But he’s our client! It’s only polite.”

“No, this is your night, no work. And he hasn’t even seen you yet, so don’t mind him.”

“Whatever. But it’s your fault if he takes his business elsewhere,” Benny says. “Now what’s a guy gotta do to get a drink in here?” he bawls and all the other guys join in, roaring.

They’re starting—how else could it be—with shots. From the corner of his eye he glances at Cas talking to someone and of course it happens to be a dude again. He’s getting gayer with every passing second. Only then the person turns slightly and Dean realizes it’s just a very boyish looking woman. She’s got really short hair and the Oxfords and the blazer gave him a wrong impression.

“What are you looking at?” Benny asks, leaning onto his shoulder.

“Uh, nothing,” he says and turns away from the scene but Benny isn’t satisfied and keeps watching.

“Ah, I see. Looks like Cas is getting lucky.”

“He can’t even make up his mind about what he’s into. Last time I remember, he made out with a dude, with beard and all.”

“This seems to concern you a lot.”

“No, it doesn’t. Who cares anyway with whom Cas hooks up.”

“You do, apparently. I don’t know why you’re obsessing over this guy when it’s your duty as my best man to get me drunk.”

“I’m not ‘obsessing’ over anyone. Give me that,” he says and takes away Benny’s glass. “I’ll get you a refill.” He’s also getting one for himself and gradually the alcohol calms him down and he’s able to focus on something else than Cas’s presence for some time. He watches the other singles in the group unsuccessfully trying to flirt with women and bursts into hysterical laughter when one who has just rejected another guy, longingly glances into Dean’s direction but he feels like going after her would only start a fight.

“You’re having a good night, Benny?” he asks his best friend who has just returned from the dance floor. Dean preferred to watch and make sure his drunkenness is still on an acceptable level. He doesn’t want the night to be over too soon after all.

“Very good. Man, I know I don’t say that often, but I love you,” he says and the fuzz of his face tickles as he loudly smacks his lips onto Dean’s cheek.

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too, bud. Now do me a favor and drink this.”

“Vodka?”

“Almost. Water. Now drink up or you’re only getting Shirley Temples for the rest of the night.”

Benny moans but takes the glass anyway and empties it in one long gulp. When he goes to return the glass and get a proper drink instead, he, of course, bumps into Cas again. This club really isn’t big enough for the both of them.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, man? What did I ever do to you?” Cas yells at him out of nowhere. Dean didn’t even look at him, leaving him alone and minding his own business.

Dean tries to come up with a smug reply but this only leads to Cas getting more furious. And then he says something that completely catches him off guard: “You’re either a homophobic asshole or you’re in deep, deep denial over how attracted you are to me!”

The air is getting stuck in his throat. This is the most ridiculous thing Dean’s ever heard. It’s totally out of question that he’s either. He’s not against gays, although his upbringing taught him a different world view, and he’s definitely not into Cas or any other men. He loves women, has sex with women, and everything else is a blatant lie. Still, his first reaction to Cas’s accusations is nervous laughter.

His comeback to Dean’s response has got something to do with “suppressing a part of himself” but it’s not worth listening to anyway. He’s fully aware of who he is and what he likes and Cas just wants to blame him for being tempted, because let’s be honest, Dean is a fucking handsome guy with his own business and everyone could call themselves lucky to have him.

He watches Cas storm off and that his eyes fix on his ass for half a second was a complete accident. He’s a bit drunk and has trouble focusing in the dim light in here. His gaze wanders upwards to where two go-go dancers—a guy and a girl—are dancing, he holding her waist from behind, rolling his hips along to the rhythm of the music so that his crotch comes close to her ass. He’s only wearing a pair of silver hot pants and those really don’t conceal anything and why the fuck is Dean even looking at the guy when there’s a sparsely dressed lady right in front of him.

Cas must have gotten into his head or something because this is not him. It’s way too stuffy in here all of a sudden and Dean feels like he’s choking so he rushes to the bathroom, hoping that it’s a bit cooler in there, maybe also to drink some tap water.

He throws the door open and it takes him a moment to realize that it’s Cas standing by the washstand, drying his hands with a paper towel.

They stare at each other warily, then Cas drops the towel into the bin. He’s walking up to him, determination in his eyes, and before Dean’s brain can even catch up, Cas has taken him by the wrist and pulls him into a stall, locking the door and pushing Dean against it.

Dean is almost panting while Cas is hovering at the edge of his personal space. Then, with a jump start, Cas moves closer and Dean quickly shuts his eyes. He can’t stand to watch whatever is about to happen. Then—nothing.

Cas is still there, of course. He can’t have gone anywhere and Dean can hear him breathe but it’s almost drowned out by his heartbeat thumping violently in his ears. Cautiously, he opens his eyes again. Cas is looking at him with concern. Dean, though, is unable to look him directly in the eye. Instead he’s concentrating on the void between them.

Slowly, really slowly, Cas reaches out to cup his cheek with his hand but Dean slaps it away. He’s pressing himself more firmly against the door as if it would miraculously dissolve behind him and get him out of here, chin pressed to his shoulder. Cas, however, denies him this minimal retreat and leans in closer until they’re chest to chest.

“Dean,” he whispers and Dean can feel Cas’s breath on his face, “if you want me to stop, if you really do, you gotta tell me.”

But, for some reason, Dean can’t. Of course he doesn’t want this, he thinks…he _knows_. Yet, he doesn’t move or make a sound when Cas begins to nose at his exposed neck, his jaw, and places a hot, wet kiss right under his ear and Dean hitches a breath. The warmth of Cas’s mouth spreads out into his body, all the way down into his stomach, the sensation almost a tickle. Without any hurry, Cas withdraws slightly, only to press another kiss right beneath the previous spot, making Dean squirm under the touch of his lips. The kiss ends but Cas doesn’t pull away too far, his breath against his neck causing a shiver to run through him. They stay like this for a minute or so, then Cas’s fingertips find Dean’s waist, the up and down of their movement barely even there, a feather-light touch. Dean moves his head only so much that he can peek at where Cas’s hands are wandering next. They’re sneaking under the hem of his shirt, stronger now, resolute, properly grabbing his bare waist and moving upwards, thumbs being dragged over his ribs. He repeats this a few times—up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Dean tries not to make too harsh of a sound when he struggles for air. Then Cas’s mouth is back at it on his neck and Dean is irritated by how aroused he is. He hopes Cas won’t notice.

Yet, of course he does, when he clutches Dean by his hips and their crotches come into contact as he drags him close and Dean whines in agony when he understands that his condition has been detected.

Cas pulls away once more and his hands appear from under Dean’s shirt, wandering lower to his belt. He hooks his forefingers behind the leather and tries to meet Dean’s eyes but Dean doesn’t co-operate. When Cas proceeds to open the buckle, he again seeks Dean’s attention, his approval possibly and Dean is afraid of what it means when he consents. Cas, with caution, unbuckles the belt, his fingers move to open the button of Dean’s jeans, all the while Dean is withstanding his gaze. The zipper is drawn open as well and then Cas leaves some time for a reaction but when none is coming, he pushes a flat hand inside Dean’s pants, evoking a loud, startled moan from him.

He could still stop this. He should stop this but he’s so hard he can’t just break off now. Instead he throws an arm over his head and bucks his hips so that Cas can pull down his pants and boxers. When he gets onto his knees, Dean can’t resist watching and Cas catches his eye one last time before wrapping his lips around his cock and swallowing him down. And it’s good—why does this feel so fucking good?

Cas has his hands on Dean’s hips, holding him in place, but every now and then, one hand will move downwards along his thigh and it’s making Dean nuts. He doesn’t really want to look at Cas sucking him, get that picture burned into his mind, but he can’t really not look either. If he’d just close his eyes again and concentrate strictly on the feeling and coming soon, then he can pretend this never happened. He might remember receiving a blowjob during Benny’s bachelor party but whoever gave it to him will be interchangeable.

Then Cas is adding a hand at the base of Dean’s shaft, moving to his balls and Dean is close. So close. “I’m-I’m…Cas,” he warns and Cas pulls off and not too soon because he just manages to get out of the way and Dean shoots come all over the wall and floor.

“Shit,” he sighs. Cas doesn’t move as not to step or lean into the mess.

Dean is still panting when he pulls his pants back up and tucks everything in to where it belongs. He’s moving out of the way so Cas can unlock the door and squeeze through the crack. Dean remains in the stall for a few moments to steady himself. When he, too, gets out, Cas is washing his hands and takes a mouthful of water, gargles and spits.

“I’m not gay,” is all Dean can say.

Cas looks at him, washing his mouth once more.

“You just had your dick sucked by a dude,” Cas says after spitting, “you might want to work on that line.” He dries his hands and face with a paper towel and then he leaves. Dean waits a minute to follow. He doesn’t want anyone getting ideas if they exit the bathroom too closely after one another.

“Where’ve you been?” Benny asks when he rejoins the group.

“It was getting too loud. I just needed some quiet for a while.”

Benny nods and hands him a bottle of beer, clinking it together with his own. “Cheers, brother.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Am I boring you?” Benjamin says.

“No, no, absolutely not. I was just thinking about how I used to take Claire to the arcade on Second Street when she was little. You know that one? Though, I think it’s been shut down since then,” Cas says, abruptly starting to stir his coffee for no reason and hoping they haven’t changed the subject since the last time he actually listened.

During the past week there’s barely been a second where he was able to not think about what happened between him and Dean. He wanted to prove a point and he probably did but his actions did nothing to improve their strained relationship. However, he’s got no idea what hit him that he actually decided to just take Dean by his hand and try tear down his guard…and his pants and suck him off. Dean was obviously into it, no doubt about that, but Cas was too and all he can think of is how scared Dean was of giving in to the situation and—

“Cas!” Benjamin almost yells like it’s not the first time they tried to get his attention.

“Yes, sorry, you were saying?”

“Listen, if you wanna leave, I get it. Happens all the time. But don’t pretend you’re interested unless you are.”

“I’m sorry, Benjamin. It’s just…” He sighs. “I don’t think I can do this right now. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“Excuse me?”

“There’s been someone else since we met,” Cas blurts out, feeling uncomfortably hot all of a sudden.

“Dude, chill. This is just a coffee date. We aren’t exclusive or anything.”

“I didn’t want to be rude and cancel after we’ve gotten along so well last weekend.”

“I’d still like to get to know you better. You seem like a cool guy, even though your mind’s occupied with another person right now.”

“I also want to get to know you…although, not in _that_ way, I’m afraid. Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Benjamin says. “My fault to leave you in the middle of having a great time.”

Cas mirrors Benjamin’s smile. “Actually, I already knew that person and I might have been interested, but I wasn’t very confident anything was likely to happen between us.” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I feel like an ass to be talking to you about ‘the other person,’” he says, making air quotes.

“You seem like you’re about to burst if you don’t. Now, spill.”

And Benjamin is right. He hasn’t talked about that crucial night to anyone. Not even Meg.

He takes a deep breath before he begins, “So, there is this guy. And I think he’s into me. But he doesn’t acknowledge that because of internalized homophobia or something, I don’t exactly know.”

“You like him too?” Benjamin asks.

“Yes. We don’t know each other very well but he seemed like a really nice guy until he snapped, started behaving like a dick and he wouldn’t say why but I figured he’d found out that I wasn’t, you know, straight. Anyway, I ended up blowing him in the bathroom at the club that night.”

“Well, that escalated quickly,” Benjamin says and leans back against the wall behind them.

“I know,” Cas says in a high-pitched voice, “I really fucked up.”

“Weren’t you afraid he’d punch you if you made a serious move on him? I mean, you said he was being a dick towards you.”

“Honestly, I don’t know what motivated me to get him off although he behaved like a complete asshole. Something in my brain must have short circuited when I dragged him into the stall. I was just so mad and I wanted to prove I was right about him and that all his hate towards me was him denying himself. And you know what the worst part of this is? I felt sorry for him because obviously he—” He trails off.

“He enjoyed it?” Benjamin asks.

“Yes,” Cas breathes, “and he tried so hard not to.”

“What happened then?”

“Nothing.” Cas shrugs his shoulders. “He insisted he wasn’t gay and we haven’t talked since then.”

“I don’t wanna tell you what to do but he doesn’t seem like he’s worth the trouble. Maybe it’s better if you just let him go.”

“I’m…” Cas starts, resting his elbows on the table. Then he breathes out, “Probably not.”

“But the thing is, he’s kinda working a job for me right now. I’ll be running into him again sooner or later, even if we’re avoiding each other.”

“Can’t you, like, fire him or something.”

“No, I don’t want that. I appreciate what he’s done so far and who knows, maybe he’ll change his mind.” However, in reality Cas is far less optimistic about a turn of events. No matter how well they might have gotten along in the beginning, if Dean wants to play pretend, Cas can’t do anything about it. He’s already crossed a line and he won’t interfere with Dean’s life any more as is necessary to get his car back reassembled.

Anyway, now that he’s gotten this story off his chest, he’s actually able to listen to what Benjamin is saying and to enjoy the company.

 

He still can’t fathom how this was possible, how he could let it happen. He’s tried to forget, hoped he could get drunk enough so he wouldn’t remember in the morning but he can’t escape the memories. They just keep coming up, at random times, day and night. Cas tried to kiss him but he didn’t allow it. So why didn’t he fight back the rest of his advances? How could Cas get to him so easily? He hadn’t even done anything yet and still Dean got overwhelmed by his arousal.

Maybe it was just the way in which he got touched, the caresses—Cas must have pushed all the right buttons, a lucky chance. And in the end, it was just a mouth on his dick. Could have been anyone. A blowjob is a blowjob, right? Lips and tongues all feel the same. His eyes were closed most of the time anyway and what matters is the touch itself, the sensation of wetness and warmth, combined with gentle pressure. The hand on his thigh, too, helped, but a hand is a hand as well, one as good as another. It doesn’t matter if either, hand or mouth, belong to a woman or a guy. And it’s not like Dean asked for it. He was offered a free BJ and it did the deed. Nothing wrong about that.

Getting blown by a guy doesn’t make him gay or anything. It would be a different story if Dean had returned the favor but he absolutely did not, so everything’s fine. He wouldn’t broadcast it, though. People tend to jump to conclusions. They would be like, ‘hey, Dean got sucked off by a dude—guess he’s into dick now’ and that he is not. How could someone even look at him and assume such a thing? How Cas came up with that crap is a mystery to him. He’s never been attracted to another man and definitely not to Cas. Like, at all.

Admittedly, Cas is a cool guy, he’s easy to be around, is very talented when it comes to woo—carpentry. He’s not ugly, though, Dean wouldn’t deny that…but that’s spoken from an objective point of view.

However, Dean has always been 100% heterosexual, never had a doubt about that, and he won’t let Cas just march into his life like that and take this away from him. Dean. Winchester. Is. Not. Gay. For real, though, it’s almost funny. He, of all people, owner of Winchester Vintage Automobiles, whom all classic car lovers of the area and beyond entrust their treasures on wheels. He, who loves beer and burgers, who enjoys watching a good wrestling match and making lovely ladies weak in their knees. Seriously, John Winchester would turn in his grave if could hear this.

Dean jumps when a police siren is suddenly howling behind him.

“Shit.” He hadn’t realized he was still standing at the intersection. His hands are clammy and it takes forever to get his license out of his wallet. There isn’t much traffic anyway this time of day but that clearly isn’t an excuse for an officer of the law. There’s a knock on the window.

“Dean?”

“Sheriff, hi,” Dean says, relieved to see a friendly face, after pulling down the window.

“What are you doing here? Car trouble?” Donna asks.

“Um, no… I’m sorry, I was just… I don’t know. I’ve just been really stressed out lately and I must have gotten lost in my thoughts. I wasn’t endangering anyone, though, I was just standing here with my car.”

“I admit, you look like you’re in need of cheering up,” she says, resting her elbow on the window frame.

“Yeah, I guess so. And a ticket won’t make my day any better.”

“Uh, Dean-o,” she says and playfully slaps his shoulder, “I won’t give you a ticket. But I’d say I get back into my car and you follow me to the station.”

All blood is drained from Dean’s face all of a sudden. “What?”

“Yah,” she says with a smile, “Doug brought an extra box of donuts today. Just for me. I have them hidden in my office so the other sweet teeth won’t get to it while I’m away. I believe you could use a little comfort food.” 

“Yes, I really do. Thank you, Donna.”

“Aw, you’re welcome. Now, after me.”

Dean has only been at the local sheriff’s department once. Donna closes the blinds at the interior windows of her office before opening the drawer of the cabinet under her desk. “I keep my emergency sweets stash in here. But, you know, psh,” she says with a finger against her lips. “I hope you like ‘em powdered. They’re my favorites.” She holds out the pink box and Dean takes one, careful not to breathe out through his nose as he takes the first bite.

“Delicious,” he says with a full mouth.

Sugar is crumbling from Donna’s mouth onto her shirt as she says, “You betcha.”

They finish their donuts in silence. Then, while she wipes her uniform clean with a napkin, she asks, gesturing him to sit, “So, what’s been eating at you?”

“I don’t know. It’s complicated. I don’t really wanna talk about it.”

“I understand,” Donna says and takes a seat in her office chair. “It must be quite something, though, when it leads you to parking your car in the middle of the street.”

“No, actually it’s not. It’s just, something kinda weird happened, you know, and I don’t know what to make of it yet. It’s actually not that big of a deal.”

“Again, car, extended stay at the intersection,” she points out once more.

“I know, I know, you’re right.” He sighs, leaning forwards so his forearms rest on his thighs. Then, sitting up straight again, he asks, “What do you think when you see me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, what kind of guy would you think I am if you didn’t know me?”

“Huh,” she says and puts the donut box back into the drawer. “Well, I’d say you look like a nice guy. A very handsome one, too, I must say, though way out of my league.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Dean says and Donna chuckles self-consciously, “you’d be too good for me.”

Donna clears her throat and resumes. “Anyway, let me think. You seem very confident, good at handling difficult situations.”

“What kind of situations?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the cop in me talking, but you look like you could end a fight if you had to. Not start one, though, you don’t appear to be that kinda person. But if someone came at you, like, some drunk at a bar for instance, you’d know how to defend yourself.”

“Yeah, my dad made sure I would. Taught me a lot he’d learned during his time with the Marines.”

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Donna points out, “but as I said: had I only just met you today, I’d say you’re a really friendly guy.”

“A friendly guy who could kick anyone’s ass,” Dean makes clear.

“But wouldn’t.”

“But I could. Because I’m a tough dude who’s not afraid to get his hands dirty.”

“ _Dean,”_ Donna, “you wanted to hear an honest opinion and that’s mine. What’s gotten into you?”

“I… I don’t know. I haven’t been feeling like myself lately.

“Dean, as someone who _does_ know you, let me tell you this: You’re a great person. Loving, passionate about what you do, about your family. You’re also a really funny guy, I appreciate that about you. You can be quite serious if need be. And no matter what anyone else says, you always stay true to yourself.”

Although he’d meant for this whole conversation to go into a different direction, the last bit gets to him.

“That’s…that’s very…thank you, Donna. This talk actually really helped.”

“I’m glad. If you ever need anyone to listen or to give you a pep talk again, you know where to find me,” she says.

So who cares what one Cas Novak thinks of him. Cas claiming Dean is secretly into guys doesn’t make it true.

He thanks Donna once again and promises to come over sometime and have dinner with her and Doug.

He’s got no clue how Cas’s accusation could get to him like that. Usually, he’s not so easily confused by what other people say. Maybe he should talk to Cas and ask him how he even came up with this idea. He doesn’t hate him now or anything. They could have been friends, had none of this ever happened. Probably, he owes Cas an apology as well. He didn’t exactly do his best to appear open-minded after the whole Mick-thing. Cas likes men, that’s obvious, and Dean should be fine with that. It’s none of his concern whom Cas prefers to get busy with—as long as it doesn’t happen to be him again.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean is sitting by himself, watching the happy couple dance. It’s gotten late but Benny and Andrea, husband and wife, appear to have forgotten that time exists at all. This has been a long day already. Many words have been spoken, tears of joy have been shed and Dean has finally found a minute to not do anything. The past days have been exhausting, with helping his friends setting everything up for their big day and giving a really nervous Benny a last pep talk before dragging him outside to greet the arriving guests. Everything after that went as smoothly as planned and his best friend, business partner and favorite drinking buddy is now a respectable man.

He is tired but the newly-weds still seem to be running high on adrenaline or serotonin or whatever—they don’t look exhausted at all, much more glowing with pride and contentment. This was the first time Dean has ever been the best man to any of his friends and he did well, he thinks, although, admittedly, this day has been rather stressful. And he wasn’t even one of the people getting married. The next time, he’ll do better, now that he’s having the experience. If anyone should ever ask him again, that is. Sam probably will. Would. If Sam’s ever getting married. Speak of the devil…

“You’re looking a bit lost here,” Sam says and pulls out a chair from Dean’s table.

“Only enjoying the peace and quiet now that a few guests have already left.”

“You did good today, man,” Sam says and rubs his brothers shoulder.

“Yeah, I think so, too.”

“Have you ever imagined your own wedding?” Sam asks then.

“Dude, I’m single. But I’m sure you’ve dreamed of your fairy tale wedding ever since you were a little girl, trying out fancy hairdos,” Dean mocks.

“Shut up…”

“I bet you’ve at least once in your life made a Pinterest board, Rapunzel.”

“Dean, seriously, stop it,” and he does. They continue to watch Benny and Andrea for a while, until Sam resumes, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Do you, like, honestly, and don’t make a joke of it again, think we will have this too, one day, get married, maybe have kids?”

“I don’t know about marriage,” Dean says, “but a kid I already have.”

Sam laughs briefly. “No, I meant for real, Dean. Not like Emma. I mean having a baby you see grow up and can be an actual father to.”

“I don’t know what planet you’ve been living on these past two years, but I _am_ being a father to my child and even though I wasn’t lucky enough to be there for her since day one, I’m doing the best I can now that I know she exists.” Dean’s getting angry but he’s trying not to escalate. He’s still at his best friend’s wedding after all.

“Dude, be honest with yourself. She’s seventeen. You’re probably more of a cool uncle to her than her dad.”

Dean jumps up abruptly, almost knocking over his chair. “You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about. You haven’t even met her yet. You, Sam, her _actual_ uncle, because you refuse to, trying to convince me she and her mom are only after my money.”

“Dean, calm down,” Sam says and Dean wants to punch him in the face so badly right now. He is calm, given the circumstances—he’s still keeping his voice down.

“If there’s ever been anyone who’s profited off of my money, it’s you!”

Sam’s response gets stuck halfway in his throat when the meaning of Dean’s words sinks in. He’s staring at Dean’s finger pointing at him, cross-eyed, the view of it almost comedic.

“I—,” Sam breathes out. “What do you mean? What money?”

“I’ve paid for your college tuition. Your scholarship didn’t cover enough for mom to do it all on her own. And I paid for vet school as well.”

“But I thought… Mom said she sold some of dad’s old stuff and I shouldn’t worry about it.”

“And you didn’t, did you?”

Sam shakes his head. He can’t meet his brother’s eyes. “What about—” he begins but the air gets knocked out of his lungs by an invisible force.

“You never questioned how she did it, all on her own. Because then you would’ve found out how hard it was for us to get you through school.”

“No, Dean, honestly, if I had known…”

“Don’t bullshit me, Sammy,” Dean says, arms crossed over his chest, “not second-guessing it was a conscious decision. Think of it. If you had known, you’d have had to get a job, a real job, not a few unpaid internships. Mom would have had less sleepless nights and I would have been able to start my business much sooner and on more solid ground. But you never cared about anyone else enough to worry about those things. You lived your happy-go-lucky life and you were okay with it. Let someone else be anxious about the future.”

“Dean, that’s not fair. I didn’t know. I didn’t know because you and mom actively choose not to tell me. I would have helped you guys out. Even delayed my studies if necessary. I didn’t ignore the trouble you were in. You went behind my back and now you’re mad at me?” Sam rises from his chair, too, towering him. This might work on other people but Dean isn’t intimidated by his brother’s height. After all, he used to comfort and distract him when he was crying again because their parents had gotten into another fight.

“All my life long, everything I ever did was for you,” he says, poking his finger at Sammy’s brick wall of a chest. “And now that I’ve gotten another child to care for, you’re acting up. Emma is my real daughter, even though her mother and I were never together, never married, but I’d do anything for her. Same as I would for you and I did. And how are you thanking me, huh? By insulting one of the people in my life that are the dearest, most precious to me because now you gotta share the attention and affection!”

“How is everything my fault now?”

“You know, mom warned me not to help you out against all odds, but I did anyway because I’m stupid and all I ever do is please people in order to come up to their high expectations of me. And you know what? It only ever makes me miserable.”

“Dean,” Sam says but Dean can’t bear hearing more excuses and storms off. For him, this night is officially over.

 

Someone is working on his car when he enters the garage and Cas is pretty sure it’s not Benny. He shouldn’t rule out Dean then because there are not really any options left as to who the man with the welding machine is and despite the headgear, Cas knows it’s Dean. Why is Dean working on his car and where is Benny?

Dean hasn’t noticed him yet and Cas knows better than to startle him. He’s had to explain those basic safety guidelines to Claire more than once. Therefore, he stands far enough that it’s secure for him, trying not to look directly at the sparks flying, and keeps a watchful eye on Dean. He knows he shouldn’t do this, yet he can’t not admire how his tight black T-shirt fits snugly around his back, sweat glistening at the back of his neck and leaving even darker spots under his arms.

Dean puts down his tool and takes off the helmet, wiping sweat off his forehead with his arm. He seems to notice that he isn’t on his own any longer and quickly turns his head around.

“Dean, sorry, I didn’t want to disturb you,” Cas says, taking one step towards him. “I’m actually here to see Benny. We have an appointment.”

“I know,” Dean says and takes off his gloves. Then he quickly wipes his hand on his jeans and gets up from his knees. “But I’m afraid Benny won’t be coming in today.”

“He won’t? Why not? I double checked with him last week if it was okay for me to come in today and he said—”

“Benny is on his honeymoon right now, Cas. But I’m also familiar with your car, so I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to assist you as well.”

“You…you are? You will, I mean…”

“Cas, listen,” Dean says and comes closer. “I’m sorry for being a dick. My behavior was unprofessional and besides that, I think you’re a nice guy and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Can you forgive me?”

Cas gapes at him. So, the blowjob doesn’t seem to be that much of an elephant in the room. “I’m… Yes, of course,” he says. “Apology accepted.”

“Thank you,” Dean says, a shy smile on his lips.

“I’m sorry, too, you know,” Cas tells him. Maybe Dean wants to act like certain things never happened but Cas thinks it’s better to spell it out before it’s too late. “I crossed a line the last time we met and I apologize.”

“Yeah, uh, forget about it, Cas. We’re good.”

“Really?”

“Let’s start over, alright?” Dean suggests.

“Sure,” Cas and he can’t help but smile at Dean.

“And to prove that I mean it, how about I take you out for dinner later?” Dean says then and Cas’s mouth falls open. Dumbfounded, all he can do is stare at him like an idiot.

“Cas, what do you say?”

“Um, yeah, of course,” he stumbles, then, after clearing his throat, he says, “I’d like that very much. Thank you, Dean.”

Dean gives him a quick summary of what he’s been doing with his Lincoln and then Cas shows him pictures of the wooden dashboard he’s currently working on.

“Cas?” Dean says later, licking his lips like he’s nervous about what he wants to say.

“Yes, Dean?”

A pause. “Cas, we need to talk about the color you chose.”

“Huh?”

“I can’t let you paint this poor girl gold. Please, don’t do this to her.”

Cas laughs. “Any suggestions?”

The tip of his tongue pokes out between his lips again. He looks at the framework, then at Cas’s sketches in his hands, then at Cas. Cas stares back at him.

“How about blue?”

“Blue?”

“Yeah, I was thinking, maybe like a really cool midnight blue and some highlights in silver?”

“Huh,” Cas says, trying to imagine it while his fingers rub his chin, “I’ll think about it.”

Dean responds with a grin that says ‘good.’

Cas waits outside by his car later, while Dean locks everything up. “Where are we going?” he asks Dean when he’s done.

“I’m feeling like having a steak. Do you like steak—you’re not a vegetarian, are you?”

It’s almost cute how Dean seems genuinely afraid of his answer. “Not, I’m not a vegetarian, Dean. Steak is fine.”

“Cool,” Dean says and releases a breath, “I know a place. Just…follow me? I’ll drive ahead in my car.”

“Alright,” Cas says and Dean leads the way to a nice looking steakhouse Cas has often driven by but never been to. He can’t believe how lucky he is that, after fearing Dean would never talk to him again as a consequence of the blowjob, he’s been asked out and now they’re suddenly on a dinner date. He would have put more effort into his outfit and taken a shower before driving to Dean’s shop but he doubts much will happen tonight anyway.

They both order beer after being seated, to ease the nerves, but not too much since they’re both driving, and Cas, again asks, just to be sure, “Dean, are we really okay? I mean, maybe we should talk about what happened—”

“No need to talk about it, Cas, seriously. I’d much rather talk about…you? Tell me something about yourself. We don’t know each other that well after all.”

Cas tells him a little about his job, how he got into carpentry, that Meg encouraged him to follow his dreams and not rot away in boring but strenuous sales career. “It was risky to start my own business. I had saved up enough money to start out but I couldn’t have known then how well I would be doing, if people even still bought custom built furniture. And on top of it all I had a child to care for.”

“A child, really? I didn’t know how had any kids.”

“I’m talking about Claire,” Cas says.

“But you said Claire isn’t your daughter. She’s your…godchild, right? So she’s living with you?”

“Used to. She was still little back then, nine years old. Her father, Jimmy, was my cousin but also my best friend. He died.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It was a hard time for his wife and Claire. For all of us. And if that hadn’t been enough, Amelia, Claire’s mother, got really sick soon after that. Of course I took Claire into my care until she got better. She lived with me for nine months.”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say. You were very brave to do that.”

“Not as brave as Amelia and Claire. I was happy I could help them out.”

“I have the impression you and Claire are still getting along pretty well?”

“As I’ve said, she’s like a daughter to me. I love her like she’s my own.” He takes a sip from his beer that has arrived while they were talking. “What about your daughter? How is she?”

“Oh, she’s, she’s…” Dean looks down at the table and breathes out. Cas might be imagining it but he could swear Dean looks sad for a brief moment. “Emma’s great,” he resumes. “It’s a weird story, you know.”

“How so?”

“Until two years ago, I didn’t know I even had a daughter,” Dean says and Cas hadn’t expected that. “One day, this teenager walks into my office at the shop and asks, ‘Are you Dean Winchester?’ and I said something in the likes of, ‘Yes, I am, sweetie. You sure you’re not in the wrong place? I wouldn’t recommend these cars here for someone with a learner’s permit.’ She didn’t respond well to that. She looked really angry, crossed her arms over her chest and then she said, ‘Are you an Aquarius who enjoys long walks on the beach?’ and that really confused me ‘cause that was my go-to pick-up line when I was in my early twenties.”

“I can imagine were this is going,” Cas says.

“I asked her where she got that from and she asked me if I could remember someone named Lydia from a house party fifteen years ago. And…and I did. That was a good night, a really good one.”

“Let me guess,” Cas says, “you and this Lydia hooked up.”

“We did. But in that moment I was too bewildered to put one and one together. Emma was so kind to help me out and she said, ‘You’re probably my father.’”

“And then, what happed?” Curiously, Cas leans forward on his elbows, closer towards Dean’s face.

“I had to sit down. I didn’t even know how to respond to that. How would anyone know?”

“Did you believe she really was you daughter in that moment?”

“I didn’t believe anything. I thought this was all some strange dream and hoped I would wake up soon. Emma left me her and her mom’s number and told me to give them a call when I had gotten over the shock.”

“Did you call?”

“A week later, yes. I wanted to bring some clarity into this. So I met Lydia for the first time after that night almost sixteen years ago. I still remembered her. She told me how Emma had been bugging her about her biological father for years and she finally gave in and gave her a name. She only knew my first name but with a few more details, Emma was able to find me. Lydia said there weren’t any other men who could’ve possibly been Emma’s father and she always knew it was me but of course I insisted on a paternity test, just to be sure. And the result was that, without a doubt, I am Emma’s biological father.”

“Did Lydia ever try to contact you after she found out she was pregnant?”

“No. She said she didn’t want to force some guy into her life she once had sex with at a party. She wanted to do this alone—she had help from her family, though—and she thought I wouldn’t have been interested into taking care of a child anyway.”

“Are you blaming her for not telling you back then?”

“Not really. She was probably right about me. I mean, I would have taken up on my responsibilities, but I wasn’t the most mature guy at that age when it came to relationships. And with a baby I would never have been able to take care of—” He stops.

“What?”

Dean doesn’t answer.

“To take care of what, Dean?”

“Never mind,” he says and clears his throat. Lucky for him, their steaks arrive and the food makes Cas forget his question.

“That was delicious,” Cas says when he’s done and throws a used napkin onto the empty plate. He’s so full—even if Dean were into it, he doesn’t think Cas could be able to give him any action tonight. But this is still a first date anyway.

“So, uh,” Dean resumes their conversation from earlier, “I’m curious, I really gotta ask, what’s the deal about you and Meg being exes and, you know, that other dude.”

“You mean Mick?” Cas says and Dean nods. “Mick is my ex, too. We used to date in college but then he moved back to the UK.”

“You seem to be friends with many of your exes,” Dean states. Is he…is he jealous?

“Don’t worry about them,” Cas reassures him.

“Whatever, you haven’t answered my question,” Dean says.

“What exactly is your question?”

“How does… I mean who do you…” Dean balls one hand into a fist. He appears to be thinking really hard about how to phrase this. “Did you and Meg break up because you realized you’re gay?”

Cas furrows his brows. “Nooo….? My relationship with Meg came after the one with Mick.”

“I don’t get it,” Dean says and slumps back into his chair.

“Dean, are you asking me how I define my sexuality?”

He shakes his head. “I guess.”

Cas lets out a small laugh. “I’m pan.”

“What, like the guy with the flute?”

Now it’s full-body laughter. Dean looks offended. “I’m sorry but that was just so…” He clears his throat. “It means I’m not attracted to a certain gender.”

“So you like women and men?” Dean asks slowly.

“To put it simply, yes.”

“I didn’t know there was such a thing,” Dean admits, his voice small. “I always thought people like you were, I guess, undecided.”

Aww, poor little guy didn’t know sexuality isn’t just either black or white.

“There isn’t just straight or gay, Dean. And it’s up to you what word you’d like to use to describe yourself. Pan is just one of the words that have a nice ring to me.”

“I see,” Dean says and Cas can basically see the gears turning in his head. He obviously needs some tutoring on this matter. Cas stays quiet for a while to give him time to process.

“So,” he says then, “how is your relationship with Emma and her mother today?” It’s better to change the topic for now. Dean will be able to figure things out by himself, Cas is confident about that.

“Oh, it’s great. I love my daughter and I try to spend as much time as possible with her. I just want her to be happy and I’m glad she welcomed me into her life. And for a teenager she’s quite cool about hanging out with her dad, I think.”

“You two go to the mall often?” Cas asks and chuckles a little.

“Ha, yeah. Actually, she’s not a big fan of how I dress.”

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way you dress.”

“Right? But she can be very persistent.”

“Does that mean you bought any of the stuff she made you try on?”

“No.”

“Bummer.”

“Why?”

“Those clothes looked great on you, I told you.”

“And I was being a dick—sorry again.”

“Don’t worry about it, Dean.”

Dean is fidgeting with a napkin. Then he clears his throat again. “I don’t hang out with Lydia, though. We only discuss what’s best for Emma and when she’s allowed to spend time with me or come over to my or my mom’s place. Lydia’s got a boyfriend anyway and neither of us wants to pretend like no time has passed since that house party.”

“What did your family say when you told them you had a teenage daughter?”

“Uh, you know, what every family would say. ‘Are you sure it’s not a scam?’, ‘Why are they telling you _now_?’, ‘You should insist on a paternity test’, ‘I bet they’re just after your money.’”

“But they got over it, right? You said Emma’s been at your mom’s.”

“Mom is getting along with her pretty well, yes.”

“And your brother?”

“He’s, uh, he’s still adjusting, I guess.”

“After two years?”

Dean bites his lower lip. “I really don’t wanna talk about this right now.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Cas breathes and wonders what’s going on between Dean and Sam.

Cas does his best to change the subject again and they continue to talk for quite a while until Dean asks for the bill and even though Cas insists on splitting it, Dean covers for all their food and drinks.

Leisurely, they walk to their cars, side by side, and it’s definitely not an accident that Cas’s arm brushes Dean’s every now and then.

They reach Dean’s Impala first. “I had a really good time, Dean. Thank you,” Cas says, his voice low.

“Yeah, I had fun tonight. You’re great company,” Dean says and awkwardly bumps Cas’s shoulder with a fist.

“Do you wanna do this again sometime?” Cas feels himself being drawn closer towards Dean.

“Yes, sure,” Dean replies. He doesn’t back away or anything.

They’re quiet for a moment and Cas watches Dean’s tongue poke out to wet his lips. His eyes meet Cas’s again and he decides to go for it. Slowly, he leans into Dean’s space, tilting his head a little to the right and he can hear Dean hitch a breath.

“What are you doing, Cas?” Dean’s words cut through the magical silence.

Cas pulls back. “I’m, uh, I thought…”

Dean raises his eyebrows.

“I thought we were gonna kiss.”

“You—what?” Dean doesn’t sound angry. Only surprised.

“I must’ve misinterpreted the moment. I thought it was a good date and so I might as well end it with a kiss.”

“Tonight wasn’t a date, Cas.”

What on earth is he talking about? “Well, for a non-date, it surely felt like one.”

“Why do you think this was a date?”

“Well, for starters, you told me to start over after I blew you in the men’s room and asked me out for dinner. And you insisted on paying!”

“I’m, uh…” Dean stares down at his feet. Can’t argue with that, huh?

“I’m not… Cas, I’m still not gay or whatever. You’re a nice guy and I had fun spending time with you but… Can we just be friends?”

Oh.

“Uh, okay.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, of course, Dean. We can be friends.”

“Cool,” Dean says, followed by a friendly pat on Cas’s back, not any less awkward than the fist bump from before.

“Have a good night, Dean,” he says and leaves for his car, moving slightly faster than necessary. He can’t really decide whether this ‘date’ was a disaster or really good after all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emphasized warning for John Winchester's A+ parenting and homophobia.
> 
> It's getting emotional, guys.

“Dean, finally!” Mary Winchester says as she opens the door. “I’ve been calling you for ages.” He gives her a brief hug.

“Sorry, mom. I had a lot on my plate.”

“That’s no excuse,” she says while Dean slips out of his shoes. “Now, would you please be so kind and tell me why none of my sons is talking to me.”

“I am talking to you, mom,” he says and follows her into the kitchen where she pours both of them a cup of coffee.

“Sam was supposed to drop Blossom off here Monday afternoon but he never showed and he never returned my call. He only sent a rude text that he didn’t need my help anymore.”

Dean takes the coffee from her and sighs.

“Dean, is there something you want to tell me?”

“Let’s sit down, okay?” he says and Mary appears like she wants to argue, opening her mouth to say something, but then changes her mind and takes a seat at the table.

“So,” Dean starts, thumbs nervously rubbing his cup, “Sammy found out that I’ve been paying his tuition and he didn’t take it very well.”

“ _Dean_ …but, why is he mad at me now?”

“He’s apparently mad at both of us because he thinks we lied to him.”

“Well, we kinda did.”

“To protect him!”

“I told you! I told you this wasn’t gonna end well if we went behind his back!”

“He never even questioned it, mom. He believed everything we ever told him. That you sold some of dad’s old stuff from his time with the Marines and that this was enough to cover for what his scholarship didn’t.”

“I should have just sold the house and moved into an apartment. This place is too big for me anyway,” Mary says and shakes her head.

“No, mom! You love this house. _I_ love this house. Sammy and I grew up here. It was where we lived when you and dad…” _When we were still a family._

“Dean,” she says and takes his hand, “I know. However, I’ve been thinking about selling a lot lately.”

“What, why?”

“This house, it’s just too big. All the empty rooms… It makes me feel lonely. When Blossom is here, I feel a little bit better, but you, my boys, you’re grown men, you don’t live here anymore and no-one ever stays here overnight. Except for the holidays, maybe. And this place is just too much work. I can’t afford to pay a handyman for every little thing that breaks.”

“Mom, why do pay someone for repairs? Just call me and I’ll fix it. No need to spend money on that.”

“No, Dean. You’ve got your own life and I don’t want call you every time the house needs some work. I can take care of it by myself.”

“Mom, uh…” He leans back on his chair and lets out a long sigh.

“Sammy’ll get over it,” he says then.

“I know,” Mary says. “How did he find out anyway? I don’t suppose he suddenly got interested in the details after all this time.”

“No, he didn’t. I told him.”

“Dean, why would you do that?”

“We were having a talk about Emma again.”

“Oh, boy,” Mary breathes. She can see were this is going.

“He said things like Emma isn’t even like my real daughter because I haven’t seen her grow up. I just,” he balls his hands into fists, “this made me so, so angry, and then I snapped.”

Mary leans closer, reaching out to cup a side of his face with her hand. “You know what? Let him brood for a while. He’s an adult, not a baby. He should know by now how talk to his family. This is not okay.” Then her serious face turns into a smile and Dean is unable to not smile back at her. She breathes out a silent laugh through her nose. “I love you.”

“Love you too, mom,” he says and pulls back from her touch. “Can I stay here for a while?”

“Of course.” When she notes the tension on his face hasn’t completely disappeared. “Don’t worry, Sam will be fine.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Is there anything else you’d like to talk about? How is work now that Benny is on his honeymoon? Are you alright on your own?”

“Yes, I am. And he’ll be back in a week anyway. I took over one of his projects and it turned out more interesting than I thought.” In so many ways.

“That’s good, Dean, I’m glad to hear that.”

Later, he goes upstairs to his room. Maybe he’ll even spend the night here. His childhood bedroom hasn’t changed much. Mom never redecorated; it’s true that a house meant for a family of four is much too spacious for a single person. There’s still the AC/DC poster pinned to the wall next to his bed. The model of a 1968 Mustang on the shelf above his desk is a little dusty next to a handful of well-used Vonnegut paperbacks. He bought new editions, hardcover, years after he’d moved out.

He opens the closet and begins to rummage. He isn’t looking for anything in particular but the nostalgia he’s feeling in this room has him overwhelmed. There is a box with old yearbooks. He opens one at a random page. Man, Garth Fitzgerald IV. He was a weird dude, goofy looking, but with a heart of gold. Dean wonders what he’s up to nowadays. He browses through some more pages but then he tosses the book aside. His high school years weren’t always much fun. He can remember many instances where he got detention and his dad screamed because he’d gotten into trouble again and his grades were getting worse. Not that John Winchester cared much about what went on in his son’s life but failing was not an option.

On the bottom of the box he finds a green toy soldier. He remembers those. Sammy loved to play with them when he was little and Dean loved to see his baby brother happy whenever they played together.

In the far right corner of the closet he finds something else—a diary, if you could call it that. It started out rather as a scrapbook when he was a child. He takes it out, sits down on the carpet next to the bed and opens it. It’s full of magazine cutouts. Cars he liked, national monuments he wanted to visit during road trips when he was old enough to drive, his favorite wrestlers, advertisements for new movies. He turns another page and there is a photograph of him, Sammy, and both their parents, the whole family together on the beach. He doesn’t remember where this was taken but he must have been about eight, Sammy four.

Later pages are dated and there is actual handwriting. The pictures become fewer and fewer and the text mostly takes over. Dean remembers that he began to write down his feelings, started an actual diary, when his parents split up. Back then he had no-one to talk to but the empty pages of a notebook. It makes him sad to read this. No kid should have to feel this way.

He’s writing a lot about Sammy and how he’s doing in school and that he’s landed a major role in the school play and he’s so proud of his little brother. He recalls John failing to attempt the performance, resulting in a huge fight between him and Mary. He can still hear their voices from downstairs, keeping him up for hours even after John had left.

It wasn’t always unpleasant with their dad. They had good times, too. He took Dean to a shooting range once when he was fourteen and it was awesome. John never did those things with Sammy and Dean felt a little proud that sometimes it was just the two of them. Dean was the man.

John also took either him or both of the boys to see a wrestling match. Gunnar Lawless was Dean’s idol. He wanted to be like him, even joined his school’s wrestling team…but that didn’t last long; he can’t remember why he got bored of it all of a sudden.

There also used to be a Gunnar Lawless poster over his bed but he must’ve taken it down after quitting the team.

He reads about how he and dad had the best day ever watching a fight, John bought him a hotdog and soda, and afterwards Gunnar, the champion of the night, gave an autograph session and Dean, bursting with delight, felt like levitating off the ground.

However, Gunnar or wrestling isn’t mentioned again in the book. It’s strange but maybe life got in the way. His actual, awful life, with his parents’ divorce and struggle with school and—

Dean feels like he’s been struck by lightning. Of course. He chose to forget but now he remembers. A most shameful memory. This isn’t the worst, actually, but for a boy in puberty it must have felt like the end of the world. At least with a father like John Winchester.

There was this dream he had. It’s still vivid in his mind although it occurred more than twenty years ago and he hadn’t thought of it in forever. It was a good dream, it started out really great. He dreamed that he had made it to a world class wrestling career and his current opponent in a fight was Gunnar Lawless. He doesn’t know who was winning but it didn’t matter. He was a winner just for being able to compete against his idol. And at the height of the fight, the crowd around them roaring in excitement, he woke up, drenched in sweat. Shocked, Dean realized he had come in his pajama bottoms.

This happened at an age where he still didn’t fully comprehend what was going on with his body and why it did the things it did and why he got hard all the time but one thing he knew for sure: you didn’t jizz in your pants while thinking of a guy. That was called gay. Touching other guys in certain ways was gay. Telling your friends you love them was gay. Crying because of anything else than severe physical pain was gay. And gay was wrong. John Winchester couldn’t have a pussy for a son.

It’s getting dark outside and Dean turns on the lights. Mary peeks in, asking him if he needs anything and Dean politely declines. He’s just going through his old stuff, he says.

He reads on, and on, and he cries a little because those words, his own words, take him back to a time where he was an unhappy kid, acting cool and never telling anyone about how he really felt. He couldn’t be honest with his dad for obvious reasons and Mary, now a single mom, had to provide for and raise two children on mostly her own all of a sudden and Dean knew this was a hard time for her as well. And Sammy was too young to be bothered with someone else’s problems.

He had nobody to talk to. Until he met Aaron.

Aaron was his best friend when they both were seventeen. Aaron was the new kid. His parents moved around a lot and their son never had much time to make a lot of friends before they pulled up the stakes again. Dean felt a connection with him. The causes were different but they were both unhappy and in Aaron he had finally found someone he could talk to, noticeable by the diary entries becoming sparse.

He hadn’t thought about Aaron in years. How could he forget him? Sure, they hadn’t been friends for a very long time because the inevitable thing happened and Aaron’s family had to move again. Dean remembers the day Aaron told him. He was devastated. They’d made plans for the summer to go on a road trip. Dad would lend Dean the Impala and they’d listen to Led Zeppelin and AC/DC and sleep in the car so they wouldn’t have to pay for a motel room every night.

They were still gonna have two more weeks together but Dean hugged Aaron really, really hard and long before they separated that night. Aaron didn’t protest. He hugged back and if he noticed that Dean might have shed a tear or two, he didn’t mention it.

They agreed to meet again the next day, spend all their weekend together, stay over at each other’s houses and make the most of the time they had left. Dean got goosebumps just imagining it.

When Dean got home that night, he found his mother sitting at the kitchen table. Her eyes were red as if she’d been crying. He was familiar with the sight of his mom after she’d cried, even though she’d always done her best to hide it. But his parents had been divorced for four years now and Mary never cried about the end of her marriage anymore.

“Dean, you’re home,” she said as if she was surprised that her son was standing in the kitchen. “Come, sit. I have to tell you something.”

In his diary, this day is marked by the entry _‘Dad died.’_ Nothing more.

He remembers that he didn’t cry at the funeral. He couldn’t. He felt like people judged him not being able to cry at his father’s funeral. They must have thought he’s a bad person for not shedding any tears. He was sad. Of course he was sad, really sad. But he felt dead inside.

He hadn’t told Aaron about what happened. He had called his house—Aaron’s mom picked up the phone—and said to tell him their plans were cancelled.

Aaron, however, showed up at the funeral to offer his condolences. He wanted to take Dean into his arms to give him comfort and a shoulder to cry on but Dean didn’t let him. He told Aaron to leave. He was going to leave anyway.

Two days later, on the last school day before summer, Aaron stopped him on the way to the bathroom and gave him a letter. It contained his new address and a phone number. On the bottom of the page it said _Love, Aaron._

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” Aaron said. And although Dean felt the same way, he couldn’t say it back. He wasn’t allowed to say it back. He didn’t say anything. Without looking Aaron in the eye one last time, he opened the door to the boy’s bathroom and dropped the letter into the trash. He knew how the words were to be interpreted. _Love, Aaron._ A boy didn’t say that to another boy. Boys didn’t hug each other like they did. A boy wasn’t supposed to have crush on his best friend. Dean wasn’t supposed to have a crush on Aaron.

John would have killed him if he had known. Instead he died. Dean had to man up now. He needed to take care of his family.

A few weeks into his senior year of high school, he dropped out.

Dean takes a deep breath. Everything’s fine now. He found a job, he later got his GED and eventually he was able to start his own business. And he got Sammy through college.

So, maybe Cas wasn’t the first guy he liked—wait, what?

He doesn’t like Cas. Well, he does like Cas but not in _that_ way.

Dean can’t suddenly be into dudes. Who comes out when they’re 38? That’s ridiculous. He’s way too old for this. And what would his family say? Sam can’t even cope with him having a daughter. How is he gonna react when Dean out of nowhere tells him that he is…he is—what does that make him? Apparently not gay, according to what Cas has told him.

Then Dean groans at another realization. “What will Emma think?”

But then he realizes that his daughter is the least of his worries. He thinks Emma would be cool with him dating…dating Cas? No. Nonono. Cas isn’t…pizza?

“What?”

“I asked if I should order us some pizza?” Mary says. Dean didn’t hear her enter the room. “You look a little pale, maybe a bit low on blood sugar.”

Dean clears his throat. “Um, yeah, pizza would be great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas will be back next chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

They’ve made a lot of progress with his car already and Cas can finally see everything coming back together.

“We’re almost there,” Dean says.

“Yes. I can’t believe it! Not long until I’m driving her out of this shop.”

Dean doesn’t look very excited as he nods his head in agreement. He almost looks sad. Then a small smile begins to tug at the corners of his mouth. “You said ‘her,’” he says.

“Because you do, too,” Cas says and he feels warm under Dean’s gaze.

“I’m gonna miss her when she’s done.”

“I think you’ll be allowed to visit her sometimes.”

“That’d be great.”

“Dean,” Benny calls from across the room and yanks Cas out of what was almost a dream-like state. “I’m heading out for a bit. I’ll be back in an hour.”

“Yeah, bye,” Dean replies and watches Benny walk outside.

“So, um, I think the next step will be the paint job. Are we still going with midnight blue and silver?”

“Yes. Your sketches have convinced me. We’re doing it.”

“Cool. Then I’m going for it tomorrow.”

“Will you send me a picture when it’s done?”

“You’ll have to come and take a look yourself if you wanna see how it turned out,” Dean says with a mischievous grin.

“Um, okay?”

“The color always looks different in a picture than it does in person. And don’t you want it to be a surprise?”

“Of course. You’re right,” Cas says. Dean isn’t mad or anything but Cas feels like their dynamic has changed in a strange way since he tried to kiss Dean at the end of their not-a-date.

“So, um,” he stumbles and pulls his phone out of his pocket, checking the time. “I better….I better be going. Gonna get some work done.”

Dean doesn’t reply. He’s staring at him and Cas is about to ask him if he’s got something on his face when Dean leaps forward, pulls him closer by the back of his head and kisses him.

After a moment of shock, Cas lets out a long breath through his nose. He can’t believe this is happening. He doesn’t understand _why_ this happening but he’s not complaining either.

Dean withdraws slightly and Cas’s wet lips feel suddenly very cold. “What was that?” he asks. His hands have somehow found their way onto Dean’s hips but he doesn’t seem to mind.

“I’ve been thinking,” Dean says, a little short-winded. “It seems you were right about me.”

“Please explain.”

“Well, I realized something about myself and then I did some googling and I guess I’m…I’m bisexual.”

“You are?”

“Yes. Sorry for the rollercoaster.”

“I forgive you,” Cas says and closes the small gap between their lips again.

They kiss for a minute or two until Dean pulls back. “Cas,” he says, “would you go out with me again?”

“You mean on a date?”

“Yes, Cas. A date.”

“Just making sure,” he says, not hiding his amusement at all.

“How about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow would be great.”

“Okay,” Dean says. He looks nervous and Cas thinks it’s cute. “So, uh, I was thinking, something casual. There’s this really cool bar. They’ve got a variety of craft beers and a pool table.”

“Sounds good. When?”

“Seven? I’ll pick you up at your place if that’s okay?”

“Of course.”

“Cool, yeah. I’ve got the address. See you tomorrow.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Cas says. Instead of his usual ‘goodbye’, he cups Dean’s cheek with a hand and kisses him on the other side, before leaving the shop with a big fat smile on his face. He’ll need some answers for what happened since last week but for now he’s happy with how things turned out.

The next day he spends a lot of time thinking about what he should wear. Usually, he doesn’t put that much effort into his clothing. His hair, yes. But when it comes to his attire he’s less picky. Tonight is different, though. It’s Dean. For some reason, Dean is special.

He decides to just go for nicely fitting black jeans, boots, T-shirt and a blue plaid shirt. Dean wanted to keep it casual after all and Cas knows he looks good in this outfit.

Shortly after 7 p.m. Dean texts him that he’s waiting outside.

Dean’s standing by his Impala, watching Cas exit the apartment building. The sight of him takes his breath away.

“I know this shirt,” Cas says, “and the jeans and the…everything.” Dean is wearing a short-sleeved black button-down with a graphic white pattern, grey skinny jeans and brown belt and shoes.

“I might have done some shopping for the occasion,” Dean says, his face turning beet-red.

Dumbstruck, Cas takes him in. Dean’s actually gone back to mall to buy the outfit Emma had picked out for him. Because Cas said he liked it.

“Dean,” he says, taking a few steps closer, “is it okay if I kiss you?”

Dean swallows, taking a look to his left and right like they’re being watched. No-one is actually around but he knows where Dean’s sudden unease is coming from. That’s why Cas asked instead of just going for it.

“Okay,” Dean says and opens his arms for Cas. The kiss is small but tender.

“Hi,” Dean breathes.

“Hi,” Cas echoes. “Shall we go?”

“The bar, yes,” Dean says and opens the passenger side door for Cas.

They don’t really talk during the ride but neither of them can stop sneaking secret glances at each other and laughing a little every time they get caught.

The bar looks really nice. There’s a lot of wood and one wall is full of shelves with empty beer bottles from around the world. The bar counter has a line of colorful beer caps worked into it behind a top layer of glass. It was probably unintentional but Cas is glad that Dean brought him here. He loves to see other creative ideas of fellow carpenters and designers.

“This place is interesting. You chose well,” he says.

“Wait until you’ve tried the beer,” Dean says and waves at the bartender.

And Dean didn’t promise too much. The beer is delicious and Cas can’t wait to try another kind later.

They sit, drink and talk. Dean teases him about his newly painted car. He doesn’t have a photo as he said he wouldn’t but he swears it looks great and Cas will love it.

“So, how about a game of pool?” Cas says when they’re at their second beer. “The table is free now.”

“Oh, no offence, but I’m gonna destroy you,” Dean says, huge grin, and gets up from his seat.

“We’ll see about that,” Cas says and follows him.

Dean is actually really good at this but it soon becomes clear that the game is a secondary matter here. First, they just joke around and Cas is very pleased with himself when he sees Dean marvel at his ass in the mirror on the opposite wall when it’s his turn.

Maybe it’s the beer or Cas’s company that makes Dean loosen up more. He’s not afraid of touching him all the time—a hand on his shoulder, his back, all smiley faced and whoever would watch them, would certainly grasp they’re more than just bros. And Cas knows this must all be new for Dean but he’s glad their relationship isn’t forcing him back into the closet again.

They’re still giggly when they leave the bar and their conversation doesn’t die down until they’ve reached Cas’s place. They’re silent then. Neither wants to say goodbye just yet.

“Do you, maybe, want to come upstairs, have a coffee or so?” Cas asks.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Dean says.

Wordlessly, they climb the stairs to Cas’s apartment on the third floor.

“So, uh, this is it,” Cas says, self-conscious, when Dean takes a first look. “The, um, the kitchen is over there,” he says and leads the way.

“Did you build these cabinets yourself?” Dean asks.

“Yes, uh, among other things.”

“I like it,” Dean says while gently checking out smooth edges, feeling the wood under his fingers that Cas once shaped with his own two hands and a shiver runs down his back as Dean does so.

It takes him a moment to catch his breath but then he opens the cabinet which holds his cups. “Coffee?” he asks, somewhat hurried. “Or tea?”

Dean drops his attention from the furniture. “I think I’m good,” he says and crowds Cas against the counter.

“Hm,” Cas breathes and smiles in anticipation of Dean’s lips against his.

They kiss slowly. Cas’s hands find their way into Dean’s hair while Dean has his arms tightly wrapped around him.

 

“Dean,” Cas says, breaking the kiss. “The couch would probably be more comfortable for this.”

He’s tilting his head towards where the kitchen area ends and the living room begins.

Dean starts to panic a little on the inside. Moving to the couch means getting horizontal and getting horizontal means… Not that he’s completely unaffected by their making out. On the contrary.

“Okay,” he says, trying to keep his cool, and grabbing Cas’s hand and taking the lead.

They start out sitting but soon, very soon, Dean lies halfway on top of Cas and his eyes roll back in his head when Cas moves his head so he can kiss under Dean’s ear, his neck. He pulls back.

“Cas, wait.” He’s panting.

“Too much?” Cas asks.

“No, it’s…” He’s nervous. And so fucking hard, his entire body aches.

“Take off your shirt.”

Cas hesitates for a second, looking at him wide-eyed, but then he quickly slips out of his plaid and pulls the T-shirt over his head. Dean chokes a little when he sees him. His brain functions have slowed down and a moment passes before Dean buries his face in Cas’s neck, trailing kisses down along his collarbone all the while his hands try to touch as much as possible, exploring the feel of Cas’s bare sides, his pecs.

“Dean,” Cas moans and moves his face against his own again.

He’s pushing his hips up from the cushions, pressing his crotch against Dean’s. “We don’t have to do this,” he says in between short breaths.

“I know,” Dean says and adds a circling motion of his hips to the reply which draws a groan from Cas who reaches between them to open the buttons of Dean’s shirt. When he’s done, he reaches for Dean’s belt and unbuckles it in a swift motion.

They stop kissing once more and Cas catches his eye. Dean nods and immediately Cas goes for button and zipper and pushes his hand inside his pants. Dean’s breathing falters again. Cas has touched him before but the situation was different. Dean didn’t allow himself to give into the pleasure but now he’s fully onboard.

“You too,” he pants and Cas quickly works his own jeans open as well.

It’s not enough. Dean wants to see him, all of him. But he’s scared. He’s scared he might be turned off and that this might all have been a big mistake.

He likes Cas. He likes him a lot but he has never been with a guy like this before (except for that one time during Benny’s bachelor party but that went only one way). He’s seen other guys’ dicks before, sure. Like in the shower but you’re not supposed to look. And in porn, of course. But Dean never really paid attention to those things. Not consciously at least.

Cas appears to be sensing what’s going on in his head and slowly pulls down Dean’s jeans and underwear. Now he’s bare to Cas’s gaze and the memory of Cas’s mouth on him flashes before his eyes, sending a pulse down to his cock.

“Now you,” Dean says, “I want to see you,” and Cas obliges.

Dean wants to touch. He also wants to be touched. And he wants to taste, to feel Cas on his tongue, in his mouth, but he doesn’t dare to try it. Maybe next time.

Cas, that little bastard, touches himself while his other hand grabs Dean’s ass. Dean slaps his hand away from his cock and instead brings it together with his own erection which makes Cas choke out a small laugh. They’re kissing sloppily, grinding against each other and Cas can’t keep his hands off Dean’s ass.

Cas is so hard and the thought that he’s the reason for this makes Dean harder too and he’s moving faster and faster he’s almost there and Cas must be close as well and then he tumbles over the edge, Cas following only seconds later.

They both try to catch their breath for a minute. Then Cas asks, “How are you feeling?”

“Awesome,” Dean says and Cas reaches for the box of tissues on the side table.

“You sure?” Cas asks with a minimum of concern in his voice, handing him a few Kleenex.

“I am sure, Cas,” Dean says and gives him a quick kiss on the lips.

“Still, I want you to know that I didn’t expect anything like this from you today.”

“I know, Cas. Thank you. But I really wanted to. You’re a great guy,” he says and they’re both smiling like idiots. “And you’re fucking hot,” Dean adds and he can’t believe how fast Cas’s face turns red. He leans forward to heal his blush with a kiss and then they clean up and proceed to put their clothes back on.

“I should go,” Dean says eventually. “I told Emma we could hang out tomorrow.”

“Okay.” Cas brings him to the door and waits for Dean to put his shoes on.

“Have a good night, Cas.”

“You too. Drive safely,” Cas tells him before they kiss one last time.


	10. Chapter 10

“A few more steps…almost there, almost there.”

“Dean,” Cas laughs, walking blindly up to his car, Dean behind him.

“Aaand,” Dean lifts his hands from Castiel’s eyes, “there she is. As good as new. No. Better than new.”

Cas takes a breath. “Wow! Dean, she’s beautiful.” He walks closer, reaching out his finger but he hesitates, almost afraid to touch.

“Don’t be shy. She’s all yours. You wanna get inside?”

“What a question is that even?” Cas says, a twinkle in his eye, as he opens the door on the driver’s side and slides into the seat. Dean follows suit on the other side.

Gently, his fingers brush over the wooden console. A pair of wings is carved into the middle and also in the center of the steering wheel like it’s this cars very own logo.

“What do you think now that you’re seeing all the pieces being put together?”

“Dean,” Cas says and turns to him, “thanks for letting me build something for my car. I love it. I love everything. It’s perfect.”

Seeing his clients happy by the end of a project is one of his favorite parts of this job. But Cas isn’t just any client and getting to witness the joy in his eyes is a hundred times more intense now.

Dean gives him a few more minutes. He’s a little nostalgic, as usual when it gets to saying goodbye to a car he’s spent a long time working on.

Afterwards, they finish the paperwork and Cas hands him back the keys to the truck.

“Don’t be sad, Dean. You’ll see her around,” Cas says and Dean laughs.

“Yeah, I know.”

Cas moves in for a hug. “Thank you,” he says softly and a smile spreads on Dean’s face. This is when he meets Benny’s eye over Cas’s shoulder. He lets go of him.

“Have fun with her. I’ll call you later?”

“Yes. Bye, Dean.”

“Farwell, beautiful,” Dean says to the car and Cas lets out a small laugh, shaking his head.

He waves as the newly restored Lincoln leaves the grounds of Winchester Vintage Automobiles. Benny is glaring at him while wiping oil off a dipstick with a greasy rag.

“What?” Dean says.

“Dean, geez, what the hell was that?”

“What was what?” Dean is already bracing himself for a fight as he cautiously walks closer to him.

“Next time give the poor guy a kiss. I could hardly bear seeing the longing looks he gave you.”

“I’m… I’m sorry—what?”

“Dean, do you really think I’m stupid? He’s clearly head over heels for you and vice versa.”

Dean gapes at him. He’s got no clue what to reply to that.

“Ever since I came back from my honeymoon, you’ve been all smiley faced when he came here or when you brought him up. And you brought him up a lot. Pretty annoying actually, if I’m being honest with you. I’m glad you got over whatever issues you had with him and you’re finally dating. You two are dating, aren’t you?”

Dean feels like he’s getting sick. No, actually, he’s panicking. Benny knows what’s up and he can’t come up with a plan to get out of this situation right now. Lying doesn’t seem to be an option.

“Yes,” he sighs, “yes we are. Do you think that’s weird?”

Benny shakes his head, brows furrowed. “Dean,” he says and drops a big hand on his shoulder, “you’re my best friend and I love you. You’re happy, I’m happy. That’s how friendships work.”

“So you don’t think it’s strange for me to date a guy?”

“No, Dean, I don’t think it’s strange. And besides, I’m glad you finally got your head out of your ass and I can live my live in peace again.”

Dean’s eyebrows jump upwards. “Excuse me?”

“Dean, ever since this guy showed up at our shop, you were all over him and his car. And after the thing with the British dude you suddenly begged me to take over the job from you, even though you’d known the car much better than I by then and we usually never switch projects when we’re already in the middle of them and I had to figure out all that car’s tiny quirks by myself because you were being a jealous bitch!”

Now that’s a slap in the face. “Was I really that obvious? I mean, I even just realized myself why I was acting the way I did.”

“Dean, don’t take this personally, but you’re a dumbass.” The big hand on his shoulder grips him tightly.

“So you’re okay with it?”

“C’mere,” Benny mumbles behind his beard and pulls him into a bone-crushing hug. “I love you, man.”

“Thanks, Benny.”

That was easy. Kinda. However, before he can come out with this to his family as well, there’s something else he’s gotta do. Something very, very important that he should already have sorted out a while ago.

In the evening, after closing up the shop, he stops by at Sammy’s place. He called the clinic to make sure he wasn’t working tonight so that they could have a talk.

Dean can hear Blossom on the other side of the door long before Sam finally opens.

“Dean,” he says.

“Hey Sammy.” His fingers brush Blossom’s head who scurries around his legs. “Can I come in?”

“Fine,” Sam says and moves out of the way.

“How’s work?” Dean asks and walks towards Sam’s kitchenette.

“Work’s fine… Dean, why don’t you just tell me why you’re here?”

“Well, we haven’t talked in a while. Since, you know, you said Emma’s not my real daughter because I’ve only known her for two years and shit.”

“And since you’ve told me that you and mom have been lying to me since I started college.”

Dean sighs. “Sam, I’m sorry for that. We shouldn’t have treated you like a child all those years. I know you could’ve taken care of it yourself.”

“Yes,” Sam says, “but you were right. I didn’t exactly volunteer to take over all responsibilities. To be honest, I suspected that mom didn’t get much out of selling dad’s stuff but to believe everything you told me was more convenient than asking questions. So, I’m sorry for that, too.”

“Does this mean we’re good? You’ll talk to mom again and won’t be mad anymore?”

“Yes. Beer?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Dean says. He  could use some before getting to the next thing on the agenda.

Sam takes two bottles out of the fridge and pops open the caps.

“So,” Dean resumes after they have taken a drink from their beers, “is there something else you’d like to apologize for?”

“Dean, uh…” Sam purses his lips.

“Come on, don’t be shy.”

“I’m sorry for the things I said about Emma.”

“Do you mean it this time?”

“Yes, Dean, it’s just…”

“What?” Dean can feel how Sam’s hesitation is gradually riling him up again and he’s having a hard time to contain himself.

“Nothing. You’re probably right about me, that I’m jealous because you’ve often been more of a parent than an older brother to me and I’m scared of losing this part of our relationship.”

“Sammy, Emma’s not your rival. I can love both of you. And besides that, you’re 34 years old, man. The kid’s only half your age. She needs a little bit more parenting than you do.”

“Ha, I know,” Sam says and laughs when Dean playfully sweeps a strand of hair out of his face.

“I want you to meet her,” Dean says then.

Sam takes a deep breath. “You sure?”

“Yes. It’s about time. You’re her uncle after all.”

“And how’s your plan on that?”

“Let me figure out the details. Anyway, I need you to behave.”

“Of course.”

“Sammy, I’m serious. I won’t let you insult my daughter. Not anymore. And definitely not to her face.”

“I won’t do that, Dean. Trust me.”

“Yeah, I’ll try to.”

“Okay, so, you wanna sit down while we finish that beer?”

“I’ve been waiting for you to ask me. You’re an awful host.”

Dean can hear his brother snicker behind him as he moves to sit on the couch.

 

“Guys, I’ve already called you three times. Dinner’s getting cold.” Amelia glares at them as they both wash their hands at the kitchen sink.

“Sorry, mom. But Cas’s car is so cool. You should take a look at it,” Claire says.

“I already saw it when he got here.”

“But there’s so much more to see. You need to go outside!”

“First we have dinner,” Amelia says.

“I’m sorry,” Cas tells her quietly. “She’s just so excited.”

“I can see that.”

Claire, who’s the first to sit at the table, says, “Will you let me drive your car?”

“Maybe, when you’ve got your license,” Cas says.

“But it’s, like, forever until then,” she moans.

“You’ll just have to be patient,” Amelia tells her. “Now be quiet.”

They take each other’s hands while Amelia says grace. It’s not really Cas’s thing but that’s how they’ve always done it in this house.

“So, Castiel,” Amelia says when they’ve started eating, “we haven’t had you here in a while. What’s new? Besides the car, I mean.”

“Well, um,” Cas says, puts down his fork and knife and swallows, “I have a new boyfriend.”

“Really, is that so?” Amelia says, sounding quite amused.

“What’s his name?” Claire asks.

He takes a second to think. He doesn’t want to out Dean to anyone but it’s not like Amelia or Claire would tell anyone who knows Dean.

“His name is Dean,” he says.

“You mean from the auto shop?” Claire asks, very enthusiastically, much to her mother’s dismay.

“Claire, volume,” Amelia scolds.

“Yes, _the_ Dean who remodeled my car.”

“How is he?” Amelia asks.

“He’s very sweet. A real genius when it comes to cars as you can see. And he’s also very good-looking.”

“I can confirm that,” Claire quickly throws in.

“Well, that sounds nice. You should bring him over some time.”

“Yeah, I will. But in the meantime, maybe don’t broadcast our relationship. He isn’t out to anyone yet, as far as I know.”

He catches Claire suddenly avoiding everyone’s eyes, turning pale. Amelia doesn’t seem to notice.

“Uh, mom,” she says then.

“Yes, honey?”

“There’s…there’s something you should know.”

Amelia looks at Claire, waiting for her to continue. Instead Claire glances over at Cas, seeking help. Cas nods slightly to encourage her.

“Ihaveagirlfriend,” she spills quickly and immediately after crouches as if she’d like to disappear under the table.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

Claire groans, facing the ceiling. “I have a girlfriend,” she says, more clearly this time.

“Oh,” Amelia says, looking at Cas.

Cas shrugs and makes a face to imply that she’s on her own with coming up with a reply.

“So, uh, does that mean you’re a, you’re a, uh…”

“A lesbian? I don’t know. Probably. Maybe. Right now I’m into girls.”

“And, your girlfriend, what’s her name?”

“Kaia.”

“Do you know her from school?”

“Kick-boxing class.”

“Ah, I see.”

The conversation is about to die down but Cas nudges Amelia’s foot under the table, indicating her to continue.

“Um, so, maybe you should invite her for dinner then and introduce me to her.”

“I don’t know…” Claire says and makes a grimace.

“Sure. I want to get to know your girlfriend.”

“Okay, I’ll ask her.”

“Great.”

They finish their dinner in silence. Later, when Claire is upstairs doing her homework and Cas helps Amelia with the dishes, she says, “You knew, didn’t you?”

“Claire told me a while ago,” Cas admits.

“You could have warned me.”

“It’s not my business to tell those kinds of Claire’s secrets to anyone. Not even you, sorry. I told her to wait until she’s ready. She wasn’t sure how you’d react. And, honestly, neither was I.”

“Cas!” she says and drops the kitchen towel on the counter. “How can you say that?”

“I know you and Jimmy never had a problem with whom I loved but you’re also very religious. Maybe your opinion would differ when it concerned your own daughter.”

Amelia sighs. “You know, I’m not exactly thrilled. But I’ll get there.”

“Good for you,” he says, wraps his arms around her and kisses her on the head.

“And Kaia is a cool kid,” he says when he lets go of her again.

“You’ve met her?”

“Yes. They’re really sweet together. You’re gonna like her.”

“Mhm, if you say so… Anyway, Dean, huh?” she says with a smirk. “You like him?”

“Very much, yes,” he says and can’t help but smile as he thinks of him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Smutmas!

Cas is panting when Dean opens the door to let him in.

“Sorry I’m late,” he says and gives Dean a quick kiss on the lips.

“Don’t worry. I used the extra time to find us a movie.” The movie, however, ends up being background noise to their conversation and eventual making out anyway.

“Dean,” Cas says after a while, “is everything alright? You seem to be distressed.”

“Uh, I was just thinking, why don’t we move this to the bedroom?” Dean says, gets up and takes Cas by the hand. He stops right in front of the bed and spins around.

“Cas, can I ask you something?”

“Of course. What is it?”

Dean fidgets but doesn’t say anything. Cas gently puts his finger on his chin and tilts his head so Dean’s looking him right in the eye. “Talk to me, please.”

Instead, Dean brings their lips together, kissing him hungrily.

“Could we try something?” he says then.

“Sure. What is it you want to try?”

Dean takes a few steps away, opens the drawer of his nightstand and retrieves a bottle of lube and a pack of condoms. “And I’ve made sure to clean up,” he adds quickly.

“Dean,” Cas says and rounds the bed to get to him.

“It’s supposed to feel good, right?”

“Dean, you know that I don’t expect anything from you that you’re not comfortable with.”

“And I’ve struggled with the thought of it although I’m curious. But then, what’s more manly than taking another guy’s dick, right?” he says and lets out a nervous laugh.

“Dean, none of this will make you any less of a man if that’s what you’re worried about,” Cas says, his thumb stroking over Dean’s cheek.

“I know, I know. It’s just hard to make this annoying little voice in my head shut up.”

Cas knows the voice sounds like Dean’s dad. He’s glad Dean has been so open with him about his issues. “We can wait,” Cas reassures him.

“I don’t want to wait,” Dean says, “I want you.”

“Then say it. Tell me what you want me to do.”

Dean’s breath gets stuck in his throat. His whole body is trembling when he sighs, “Fuck me, Cas,” and then he seals their lips together.

They kiss, long and languid, and slowly Cas begins to drag Dean’s shirt upwards, over his head and quickly pulls off his own before putting his hands on Dean’s bare back. His skin is so soft and warm and he can feel muscles flex under his fingers when Dean tightly squeezes his ass through his jeans.

“Lie down,” Cas says and Dean obeys.

He climbs on top of him and kisses his neck, his collarbone, moving his attention to Dean’s chest while his hands clutch at his hips, finding their way to the edge of his pants. The wet trail of his lips and tongue goes all the way down along his stomach, his navel, until trembling fingers open the belt and jeans. Cas is excited too, and nervous, because he wants to make this good for Dean.

Gradually, touching every inch of newly exposed skin, he pulls away the denim, finally getting rid of this piece of clothing. To get more comfortable, he swiftly slips out of his jeans as well before getting back on the bed.

“Turn onto your stomach,” he tells Dean.

He proceeds to get on top of him again and starts to massage Dean’s shoulders and neck and receives a moan in response. He needs Dean to be fully relaxed, so he takes his time to work out the knots in his back first.

Eventually, Cas moves again and pulls down Dean’s boxers. “I need you to lift up that beautiful ass of yours a bit,” he says, taking his hips to get him into the position he needs him to be. Then he leans over to grab the lube from Dean’s nightstand.

“Cas,” Dean says and turns his head so he can see him. “I trust you.”

Cas smiles at him, reassuringly, and bends forwards to give him a kiss.

“I’ll go slow,” he says. “Just relax. And speak up if you’re uncomfortable.”

He kisses Dean’s back, along the tailbone, his butt and kneads his cheeks before eventually placing a gentle kiss on his rim. Dean shudders.

He drops another kiss and another one, using more spit, dragging his tongue along Dean’s hole. He can hear Dean letting out sharp breaths through his nose as he continues to get him to unwind, carefully trying to push the tip of his tongue inside.

Next, he takes the lube and squeezes a generous amount on his fingers, making sure to warm it up before touching Dean.

“Breathe, don’t tense,” he says, a slick finger circling Dean’s rim.

He licks and kisses and massages with his finger and eventually, it slips inside. Slowly, very slowly, he pulls it out halfway before thrusting downwards again. And he repeats the motion a couple of times, then he adds another finger and Dean groans.

“Sorry,” Cas says but Dean already seems to have adjusted and has loosened around his fingers. He applies more lube and continues to fuck him with his fingers and tongue for some time until he deems Dean able to take more.

He pulls at Dean’s shoulder and turns him onto his back again.

“You okay?” Cas asks.

“Yeah,” Dean replies, a bit hoarsely but his pupils are wide and he lazily drags at his own cock.

“Good,” Cas says and leans down to kiss him.

Dean giggles. “You taste like ass,” he says.

“I taste like you,” Cas says, smiling softly and rips open the box of condoms.

After giving his softened cock a few pumps and rolling a condom onto it, he squirts more lube into his hand and spreads plenty on his erection and also briefly tugs at Dean’s. He positions himself between Dean’s legs and rests one elbow next to his shoulder.

“Ready?” he asks.

Dean nods. “Yes.”

Cas circles the tip of his cock around Dean’s rim a few times before he starts to push.

“Breathe, Dean,” he reminds him, and slowly slides inside him.

Dean breathes heavily and Cas gives him time to get used to the feeling, placing gentle kisses onto his neck and jawline. When he’s calmer, Cas begins to move, pulling out a few inches, then thrusting back into him, gradually picking up the pace, listening to Dean’s little sighs.

After a while, Cas notices that Dean is looking right at him. Dean’s hand reaches up to comb through his hair and pulls down his head to kiss him. Dean doesn’t seem to mind where his mouth has been earlier when his tongue slides past Cas’s lips. The kiss is wet and slow and warm and Dean’s body responds in a rhythm with Cas thrusting into him.

The room is silent save for the slick sound of Cas fucking into Dean, their breathing and the rustling of sheets.

When the friction of having Cas close doesn’t seem to do it for Dean any longer, his hand sneaks between them and he starts to jerk off and Cas is glad he’s doing so because he doubts he can last much longer. He goes faster, listening for Dean’s breathing to falter, and then, finally, he tenses under him and he can feel him spilling between them, all warm, and all Cas focuses on is coming and his cock is so fucking hard, thrusting into Dean, and then he’s there, almost there, and _fuuuck_ , he comes and he’s panting until he’s relaxed enough to roll to Dean’s side. He pulls off the condom and ties the end into a knot. “I’ll get rid of this. Be right back,” he says and pecks Dean on the lips.

“How was it for you? How are you feeling?” Cas asks when he hops back into bed again.

“It was a bit uncomfortable in the beginning,” Dean says, voice low, “but then it just felt good. I liked it.”

“I could see that,” Cas says with a grin.

“Thank you, Cas, for doing this and for being so patient with me.” Dean’s hand is stroking his cheek as he speaks.

“Of course,” Cas says. _I love you._

A warm feeling spreads in his guts when he realizes what he just thought. It’s not much of a surprise, though. They’ve been getting closer and closer these past few weeks and Dean has opened up to him so much about his past and his dad and Cas is assured he could tell Dean anything in return and Dean would appreciate it as much as he did.

However, he doesn’t say it out loud. Dean’s got a hard time getting to terms with his own feelings and Cas doesn’t want to overwhelm him with his on top of that. And he doesn’t want Dean to feel used by confessing his love right after they fucked for the first time. He’d love Dean regardless. But would Dean believe him? He’s still insecure about his newly discovered sexuality after all.

“I feel a bit gross,” Dean says then, “no offence, though. It’s just, you know, all that stuff in my butt crack.”

Cas laughs. “I know what you mean.”

“I guess I’ll shower again. But right now I don’t wanna get up,” he says and pulls Cas closer.

“What are you thinking?” Cas asks, carding his fingers through sandy brown hair, when Dean hasn’t talked for a while. He’s just staring at the ceiling.

Dean sits up slightly and turns towards Cas. “I want my brother to finally meet Emma and, if I’m being honest, the whole idea freaks me out. I should trust Sammy to act like an adult for once, I know, but what if he’s being a dick again or if he and Emma won’t get along for any other reason? They’re two of the most important people in my life and I want them to be friendly with each other. We’re a family.”

“Dean,” Cas speaks softly, “I understand you’re anxious about this but everything will turn out fine, I’m sure.”

“How can you be?”

“You just have to believe. Go into this situation with some positivity and it will rub off on everyone.”

“Can’t you just come and do this with me? It would be so much easier if I had some emotional support.”

“Won’t your mother be there?”

“Yes, but I’d rather have you.”

Cas is hesitant. This would also indicate meeting Dean’s family for the first time and all that during such a crucial day and he’s uncertain if he can handle this.

“I don’t want to interfere with your family’s business. Emma meeting Sam is important to you and I don’t wanna be in the way. I don’t think I, as an outsider, could be of much help.”

And then something else comes to his mind. Something of high significance. “How are you planning on introducing me to them?”

Dean’s face falls. Obviously, he hadn’t thought of this yet. “Oh, right, um… Cas, listen, I don’t think I’m ready to come out to them just yet and I think this would be too much for one day and—”

“Dean,” Cas says, “stop talking. I get it and you have my complete understanding. But how are you gonna explain me being there then? As a friend I wouldn’t really have much of a reason to come to a family gathering.”

“Right, then… Then you should bring Claire along!”

“What?”

“Yes, so Emma would have someone her age there. I’m pretty sure she’ll get bored of us anyway when the initial getting-to-know is done and she’ll have an ally in a round of grown-ups. And, and that’ll justify you being invited as well.”

“If you say so.”

“Please, Cas! I beg you and Claire to come. Please, please, _pleeease.”_

“Okay, fine. I’ll ask her.”

“Thank you so much,” Dean squeals and drops a big fat kiss on his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one chapter left to go now. I'll be posting by the end of next week.
> 
> Until then: Happy holidays!


	12. Chapter 12

The neighborhood looks nice and there’s a blue, two-story house at the address Dean gave him. It has a trim yard with a few shrubs and a small porch. They walk up to the front door and Cas reminds Claire once again not to mention that he and Dean are dating.

She moans. “For the last time, Cas, I got it.”

“Good,” he says and rings the bell.

Dean opens, his hair a little messy but Cas loves it, wearing an apron. “Hey,” he says.

“Hello, Dean. You’ve met Claire.”

“Yes, hi again. Thanks for coming today,” he tells her.

“It’s cool,” she says.

“Dean, are you cooking?” Cas asks, referring to the apron.

“Yes, I am,” he says and signals them to finally come inside. “You sound surprised.”

“I mean, you didn’t mention it. You didn’t need to. Not for us, at least.

“Cas, please. I want this to go well and I think everyone’s a little bit more relaxed when they’ve got a home-cooked meal in their belly. What do you have there?” he asks, leading Cas to remember the box he’s been holding.

“Oh, I didn’t know what to bring, so I bought some pie. Now I feel bad that I didn’t bake one myself.”

“No, Cas, thank you, really. I love pie. Come, follow me, I’ll introduce you. Sam is the only one who hasn’t arrived yet. I told him a later time than anyone else.”

Dean leads them through a hallway which ends in a spacious kitchen with a dining area at the other end. It smells delicious in here.

“Mom, meet my friend Cas and his godchild Claire. Cas this is my mother Mary,” he says.

She’s a friendly looking blond woman, coming closer and shaking his hand. “It’s so nice to meet you. Dean has told me a much about you,” she says and Cas frowns at Dean.

“He has?” he asks.

“Well, mostly about your car, to be honest. But I’m so glad to finally see the man from his stories. I hardly ever get to know any of Dean’s friends nowadays.”

“Because I’m not a kid anymore, mom,” Dean comments.

She ignores him. “And welcome to you, too,” she tells Claire. “Emma will be glad to have another teenager around, right?” she says, looking at the girl who’s entering from another room.

“Sure,” Emma says, then, nodding in Claire’s direction, “hi.”

“Hey,” Claire replies, as wordy as Emma. At least they have something in common, Cas thinks. Teenagers…

The girls stare at each other, warily, so it seems, and Dean quickly ends the silence by saying, “Emma, these are Claire and my friend Cas.”

“Hello Emma, it’s nice to meet you again,” Cas says.

“You know him?” Mrs. Winchester asks, surprised.

“We met at the mall once,” Emma says. “I’m glad you and my dad are getting along now. You seem nice.”

“Thanks,” Cas says and senses that Dean has become slightly more tense.

He wipes his hands on his apron and says, “Hey, so, why don’t you sit at the table and talk a little, get to know each other. I’ll do the cooking. It’s almost done and as soon as Sam is here, we can eat.”

“Do you need any help?”

“No, Cas, I’ve got it. You’re my guest. Just…sit, please.”

When they’re all gathered around the table—except for Dean who is stirring a pot and checking the oven—Cas attempts to break the ice by saying, “This is a beautiful house, Mrs. Winchester.”

“Oh, thank you,” she says, “I’ve always loved it. But it really is too big for only one person to live in. I want to sell but, this guy,” she’s gesturing towards Dean, “he won’t have it. I get it, though. Many precious memories are attached to this place. My boys grew up here.”

“That’s too bad. But understand you.”

“Dean is a good son. He’ll get used to the idea.”

Cas notices that the girls have started a conversation of their own and feels relieved. At least this part of Dean’s plan worked out. He knows Claire isn’t always the most outgoing person.

“Dean mentioned you’re a carpenter,” Mrs. Winchester says then.

“Yes, I have a workshop on Darwin Road. I mostly build custom furnishings but I work on all kinds of stuff.”

“You also designed some of the interior of your car, right? Dean showed me pictures. He was very excited and I also think it looks really good.”

Cas chuckles. Of course Dean would. “Yes, I’m really proud of how it turned out. I hadn’t even considered doing anything car-related before Dean suggested it. He’s brilliant at what he does and it was a pleasure to work with him.”

“Is that how the two of you became friends?”

“Yes, actually, it is. We wouldn’t be where we are now without this former crappy old car of mine.” He didn’t mean for his words to come out so dreamy. He clears his throat. “So, uh, Mrs. Winchester, has Dean always been this much into cars?”

“Please, you can call me Mary. Is it okay if I say Cas, too?”

“Yeah, sure, of course.”

“To answer your question, yes. Dean’s father was like him in this regard. He was the one who got him into all this stuff.”

The smile on her face has faltered a little. But this isn’t a story about her dead ex-husband. She’s telling him about the little boy who used to run around and play in this house and this is actually the first time Cas has a conversation with someone who knows Dean, except for Benny who got behind their secret pretty quickly.

Then the doorbell rings.

“Stay,” Mary tells Dean who just dropped a spoon, “I got it.”

She excuses herself and gets up to let Sam in. Dean is staring at Cas with fear in his eyes so he leaves the table as well to calm him down.

“Everything will be fine,” he says. His hand is itching to rub Dean’s back but he refrains from doing so. This might look a little suspicious and they’ve got other things on the agenda than announcing Dean’s new-found bisexuality, though Claire and Emma are too busy showing each other stuff on their phones to realize what’ going on anyway.

There’s barking out in the hallway. A golden retriever comes rushing in before a tall guy with long hair walks into the room, followed by Mary who looks tiny next to him. Cas recognizes him from pictures Hannah has shown him from parties or nights out, along with Max and Alicia but he and Sam have never really encountered each other.

“Hey, beautiful,” Dean tells the dog, Blossom, while scratching her head, “yes, I’ve missed you too.”

“And what about me?” Sam says, coming closer, his arms already open for Dean to walk right into the hug.

“Hey, Sammy,” he says, “Glad you could make it.” Sam laughs at the wink Dean added to the end of the sentence.

After they’ve let go of each other, Sam becomes aware of the other people around. Cas is closest, so he starts with him. “You must be Cas,” he says.

“That’s me, yes. Hello, Sam. It’s nice to meet you.”

The girls have stopped their conversation and both are watching the scene, curious. Of course, Claire is informed about why exactly they’re here and that there’s a tiny, tiny chance, things might go sideways between Sam and Dean or Sam and Emma. The latter are now looking directly at each other, Claire’s eyes flicking back and forth between them.

Sam clears his throat and takes an abrupt step forward. “Hey, Emma,” he says. He appears even more nervous than Dean is.

“Hey,” Emma says and takes the hand he’s offering her.

“Well,” Dean says and claps his hands together, “that wasn’t so bad for a start. Who’s hungry?”

 

They’re standing in the backyard, watching Blossom romp around on the lawn, pausing to sniff at something every now and then.

“Emma seems like a nice young girl,” Sam says, breaking their silence.

“You think so?”

“Yes. I have the impression she’s really smart and quick-witted, like, she’s kinda funny for a teen. She reminds me of you when you were here age. Sans the anger.”

“Really?” Dean can’t believe he’s being serious right now.

“Yes,” he says. “I’m glad for you she turned out so well.”

“Are you a proud uncle?” Dean asks with a smirk.

“I think I am.”

In response, he pulls Sam into a bone-crushing hug. “You’ve got no idea how happy it makes me to hear you say that. Now we can finally be a family. All of us, I mean.” If his eyes are a little wet, it’s only because the sun is already going down and blinding him where it shines through the treetops.

“But I’d like to ask you one thing,” Sam resumes.

“What?”

“Were you really so afraid of how today would go down that you had to invite two strangers along?”

Dean laughs. “Cas is not a stranger—well, to me he is not. He’s only here for moral support.”

“Why not Benny? He’s your best friend.”

“Because Benny would’ve knocked you out if you hadn’t been good today. Cas has far more self-control.”

Sam snorts. “Sure.”

Dean is glad he isn’t questioning it any further.

Mary approaches him after they’ve gone back inside the house. “Everything okay between you two?” she asks with worry in her eyes.

“It’s all good, mom. We’ve talked it out.”

“Oh, I’m so glad. Finally.”

“I hope you and Cas weren’t too bored when I left you alone.”

“No, absolutely not. He seems to be a really nice guy. I think I like him.”

Dean’s heart somersaults in his chest. She’s got no idea how much her words mean to him. His mom likes Cas, at least as his friend, so that’s a start.

“Cas,” he says, “want some more coffee?”

He jerks his head a little to indicate Cas to take his cup and come join him by the coffeemaker.

“Everything alright?” Cas whispers.

“With Sam, yes. How about you? Are you having an okay time?”

“I was having a really nice conversation with your mother.”

“She likes you, you know,” Dean says. He can’t hold back a grin.

“She does?”

“Yes,” Dean says and hands him back his refilled cup. “Cas, uh, listen. I still gotta have a talk with Emma before her mom comes to pick her up, but then I’m all yours.”

“Don’t worry, Dean. You do what you have to do. I’ll be here as long as you need me. Or, well, until Claire says she wants to go home. But I think she’s already made a friend in Emma.”

“Just think about it,” Dean says, head up high in the clouds, probably smiling like an idiot, “Our daughters being BFFs.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go this far—”

He shushes Cas. “Let me just have this for a moment.”

“Okay,” Cas says, huge eyes looking at him and making him feel all cozy and warm, begging Dean to spare a kiss and Dean’s entire body urges him to give in but, of course, he can’t.

He realizes he’s still holding onto the coffee cup although it’s already safe in Cas’s big, tan hands. The air gets knocked out of his lungs when he pulls back because for second he felt it. This feeling he has only felt with maybe two other people before. It’s too early to be sure, really. He isn’t even out of the closet yet and—

“Thanks for the coffee,” Cas says like he knows what’s going on in Dean’s head right now and goes back to sit at the table with the others.

Dean needs a moment to breathe before he’s able to speak again. “Emma,” he says, “can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure, dad,” she says and follows him out into the living room.

“So, uh, how’s it going with your uncle Sam?”

“He seems alright,” she says.

“And you think it’ll be okay to see him more often in the future? I don’t expect you to hang out with him or anything, but maybe to come over for lunch sometime when he’s also here.”

“I guess so, yes.”

“You would tell me if there’s something you’re uncomfortable with?”

“Of course, dad,” she says in a tone of annoyance only a teenager is capable of.

“Good,” he says and takes Emma into his arms. “I love you, kid.”

“Love you too, dad,” she says and untangles from the hug. “Can I go back to Claire now?”

He lets out a small, huffy laugh through his nose. “Sure, kid.”

Back in the kitchen, he takes a moment to watch his family. Sam is in a conversation with mom and Cas, Emma and Claire are still engrossed in their smartphones. Everyone looks happy.

“Hey, uh,” he says, dropping his hands on Sam’s shoulders, standing behind his chair, “I promised Cas to show him around the house earlier. Would you guys be alright with that?”

“Of course. You and your friend, go,” mom says and Cas gets the hint to leave and have some alone time.

“Are you gonna show me your room?” Cas asks when they’re outside in the hallway.

“Follow me,” Dean says and heads up the stairs. He’s almost overwhelmed by how much he wants to take Cas’s hand right now but he refrains from touching him until they’re safely behind the closed door of his childhood bedroom.

“Today was easier than I thought it would be,” he says and pulls Cas close by his waist.

“I told you not to worry too much,” Cas says.

Instead of a reply, Dean kisses him. _Finally._ “I’ve been waiting all day to do this,” he breathes against Cas's lips.

“Me too,” Cas says and brings their lips together once more.

Then, he takes a step back and takes in the room. “So this is where you used to sleep as a kid.”

“Among other things,” Dean says, smirking. “But today was the first time I’ve kissed a boy in here.”

Cas reaches out and strokes his palm over Dean’s cheek. “I’m proud of you. You’ve come a long way since you’ve lived here.”

Dean can’t contain a blush. “Don’t say that. My family think you’re just a friend, remember.”

“Hey,” Cas says and comes chest to chest with him. “I know you’re terrified right now. But you also were because of Sam and Emma meeting today for the first time and look how fine everything turned out.”

“This is different,” Dean says, avoiding Cas’s eyes.

“I know and I’m not rushing you or anything. These things take time. You tell them when you’re ready.”

He doesn’t say it but Dean is convinced that Cas is actually fucking scared Dean won’t ever be ready to come out to his family. Cas doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve to be hidden away in Dean’s dark closet because Dean doesn’t have the balls to tell his mom and brother and daughter that he’s in lo—that he’s into guys and dating Cas.

“I don’t wanna go back,” he says, wrapping his arms around Cas again. “Can’t we just stay here and hope no-one notices?”

“I don’t think so,” Cas says and lets out a deep chuckle. “You can come over tomorrow and then we’ll have all the time in the world, okay?”

“No, it’s too late. I can’t ever let go of you again.”

“I’m fine with that. But how are you gonna explain being stuck to me to your family?”

Dean groans. He hates this. Why does being not straight have to be so hard? If Cas were a woman, they could just hold hands all the time and steal kisses right in front of everyone. He’s too old for this charade. When he was younger, he might have had the energy to pretend Cas was only a friend for as long as necessary, but he’s pushing forty and the thing with Claire has taught him what it means to miss out on someone.

“Fuck it,” he mumbles under his breath.

“What did you say?” Cas asks but is hardly able to finish the question before Dean takes him by the hand and drags him downstairs.

Before they reenter the kitchen, though, Dean lets go of him. If this backfires, Cas should not have to go down with him.

“Hey, uh, everyone,” he starts to get their attention.

“Dean, what are you doing?” Cas whispers, still by his side.

All eyes are on Dean now. _Rip off the Band-Aid,_ he thinks. _It’ll hurt less if you do it fast._

“Since we’re all here today,” he says, “I thought I might as well get another thing over with.”

He can feel Cas’s intense stare burning on him. He’s nervous as well but Dean is fucking shaking. His heart is racing and his hands are sweaty. He balls them into fists.

“Dean, sweetheart,” his mom says, “you look like you’re about to pass out. You should sit down.”

“No, mom,” he says, harsher than he intended to. “Sorry, just, please, let me finish.”

He takes a deep breath, then another one.

“I’m bi,” he says. He doesn’t have the strength to say the full word so he isn’t sure if the others got the message.

“You mean,” Sam says, frowning, “bi, as in bisexual.”

“Yes,” Dean breathes out.

“Dean, but,” his mom says. “Are you sure? Since when?”

“I’m pretty sure and I’ve always been. But I only just realized it recently.”

“Does this mean, there is someone who—?” Mom doesn’t finish the question. Her eyes, however, drift over to Cas. Dean isn’t quite sure whether it’s intentional because then she resumes, “I mean, how else could you be sure, right, if you didn’t try it out first.”

“That’s not really how sexuality works, Nana,” Emma throws in and if this doesn’t make her the most precious little thing in the universe…

His mother makes a face in response but doesn’t say anything.

“Like I said, I’m 100% certain that I’m attracted to women and men.”

“Why bisexual? You could tell us if you’re gay, we’re not judging you, right Sammy?” she says, laying a hand on Sam’s arm.

Sam clears his throat. “Of course not,” he says. “It’s just…unexpected, to hear this from you, Dean.”

“Thanks, I guess. And no, I’m definitely not gay. Women are great. I love women and I wouldn’t refuse a serious offer if I got one, but since I’m…” _Well, here we go._ “Since I’m already with someone who happens to be a guy—”

“Is it Cas?” his mom interrupts and basically jumps from her chair.

“Um,” Dean says, looking at Cas, unsure what to answer.

“Yes,” Cas replies for him.

“Oh, I’m glad it’s someone nice,” she says, “and very handsome as well.”

“Mom!” Dean groans and Cas laughs.

She flings her arms around his neck and pulls him into a tight hug. “I love you, Dean, no matter what. You’ll always be my son.”

Dean, in return, is speechless. Another thing that turned out well. Today must be his lucky day.

“I know your father hasn’t always been easy on you,” she says then, as if she’s guessed the main factor for his worries.

“Tell me about it,” he sighs.

Sam has joined them and is waiting for his turn.

“Hey, little brother,” Dean says.

“Come here,” Sam replies and hugs him as well and claps his back a few times when they pull away again. “I’m happy as long as you’re happy.”

“I am happy, thank you,” he says, meeting Cas’s eyes and taking his hand. He feels so liberated all of a sudden. Just five minutes ago he wasn’t able to do this and now, he’s holding his boyfriend’s hand whose true relation to Dean everyone around is very well aware of.

He has the approval of his mom and brother but Emma hasn’t said a word since her comment from before.

“Emma?” he says.

She rolls her eyes and her serious face turns into a smile as she puts her phone on the table and joins the rest of the family.

“What do you say?” he asks while they’re hugging.

“I think it’s cool,” she says.

“Really? Don’t you think it’s weird that your dad has a boyfriend?”

“Nah,” she says and shakes her head. “I like the idea. If you and Cas get married and if mom marries her boyfriend, I’ll have one dad and two step-dads. I think that’s a pretty great upgrade from having no dad at all.”

“Whoa, easy there, tiger. No-one’s getting married any time soon. But I’m glad you see it this way.”

Not much later, Emma’s mom picks her up. He dreads Lydia’s certain, upcoming phone call already because he didn’t tell Emma not to say anything about his boyfriend. He only hopes she’ll be as open-minded as their daughter is.

His own mother, in any case, doesn’t let him off the hook so easily. After Emma leaves, Claire gets bored pretty quickly, so Cas decides to take her home as well. His stomach tingles when they kiss goodbye in the doorway, unashamed.

Then it’s just the mother and her sons. Sam is more openly curious, now that everyone else is gone. Mom wants every little detail but Dean can’t give her that. He tells the story about how they met again, how Dean got confused by his jealousy towards Mick and how he and Cas finally made up. Obviously, he skips the part about the blowjob at Benny’s bachelor party.

When Sam heads home as well, Dean and Mary move to the living room, getting comfortable on the sofa. He tells her about Aaron and how his father, not only his death, has impacted their relationship; that it could have been more if Dean hadn’t been so afraid of who he was and still is.

They talk until late at night and Dean gives in when he’s offered to stay overnight.

“You know,” his mom says as they’re wishing each other a good night, “I’ve been thinking. You love this house.”

“You know I do.”

“And you have a nice apartment, quiet, perfect for a single person.”

“What’s your point?”

“My point is that I am single and don’t need much space. You have a daughter who stays at your place from time to time and a boyfriend. Maybe, sometime, when things go well between you two, you might wanna move in together, who knows. Cas told me his apartment isn’t that big either. You’d have to look and hope to find something not too pricey…”

“Are you suggesting what I think you are?”

She nods. “You take the house and I’ll move into your apartment.”

“You’re offering a trade?”

“Yes. Deal?”

Dean bites his lip. He’s got the best mom ever. “Deal,” he says and shakes her hand before pulling her into a hug.

“Thank you,” he murmurs into her hair, “for everything.”

Later, when he’s propped against the pillows in his old bed, he takes his phone and sends out a message to Cas.

_U up?_

Just a few seconds later, his phone chimes with Cas’s name flashing on the display.

“How are you, Dean?” his gravelly voice echoes from the speaker.

“I’m good. Did I wake you?”

“No, I wasn’t able to fall asleep yet. It was an exciting day.”

“It was, yes.”

“Did you and your family have a talk?”

“Yeah, we talked a lot. They’re very supportive.”

“I’m glad.”

“Mom is giving me the house,” Dean says after a short pause.

“You mean, for you to move in to?”

“Yes. I’m gonna start a new life here.”

“That’s so great, Dean, really. I’m happy for you.”

“I should probably bring the house into this century, though, and I might need help with a few things,” Dean says and lets out a small laugh.

“Of course, Dean. What do you have in mind?”

“A new kitchen, definitely. The front porch needs a lot of fixing, too. I think I already know the right guy for the job,” Dean says. “He’s very talented and super handsome.”

“I hope you’re talking about me—not only because I’d hate to miss the opportunity to work with you again.” Cas’s voice is so soft, Dean wishes he could be with him right now.

“I miss you,” he says.

“I miss you, too, Dean. We can start making plans tomorrow, okay? It’s late. I think we should go to sleep now.”

“Yeah,” Dean says and the word turns halfway into a yawn. “Good night, Cas.”

“Good night, Dean. Sleep tight.”

He’s in love, that’s what this is, Dean thinks, putting the phone away and pulling up his blanket. He loves Cas so much and he’s going to tell him when they see each other again, because if Dean has learned one thing today, it’s that hiding his true feelings is not what makes him happy. Cas makes him happy and Cas deserves to know that. He’ll let him know in every way possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand, that's it. Thank you for reading!


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